My status about me being upset asked a lot of questions, so I suppose I ought to come clean about something (prepare for a very lengthy status): Last night I was in one of those states where I started thinking about myself, who I was, and where I was heading. It was also one of my weakest nights during Mary Poppins. My mic went out during one of the songs, and I felt I was flubbing up the rest of the show because that bothered me so much. On top of that, as I was leaving the theatre, I accidentally bumped into another persons vehicle (which is fine, but left a scratch on mine). This whole situation put me in one of those states that really made me think about myself for a little bit. Lately, everyone has known me for wearing a poncho everywhere. Yesterday, I decided not to wear it and got a lot of surprised responses and comments. People have lately known me for wearing it and people have even called me Poncho (which I went a long with for a while). I stopped a think for a little bit and realized, Do people really know me though? Have I been living an illusion where people only recognize me for that? I started to think maybe I was just another person, wondering if I really did matter or not. That is why I made the post because I just got depressed by the fact that maybe Im not as important to people as I really am. Maybe Im not as special as I thought I was. Maybe I didnt do as much as I thought I did. Not even 5 minutes after I posted, I was gobsmacked. People were commenting so much positive energy, sending me text messages asking me Whats wrong?, and people at Poppins approached me with such enthusiasm, giving me hugs and lots of love today asking if I was okay. Reading peoples comments made me think all the way back to when I came back to TCTA, and all the things Ive done that have gotten me to this point. Overwhelmingly grateful, people have said they appreciate me for just being me and what Im willing to do for others, showing them positivity, and making sure everyone is happy because thats what I love doing. I woke up in a state thinking to myself, ....I did that....I did that. That being said, Im feeling a whole lot better after being reminded why it is I love my friends at TCTA and outside of TCTA. They always remind me that no matter what kind of state Im in, I can always go to them to make myself feel better because thats al theyve done for me ever since I came back. I was reminded of strengths people have given me, such as being a happy person, a wonderful cook, and a great friend to be around. I normally dont talk about myself this much because I really dont enjoy being that guy who thinks Oh, Im the coolest person ever! because Im not. Im just a person just like everyone else just trying to make it through this world. But gah...the things people told me just made me feel like I am special, something I thought Id never feel. This lead me to more thinking about my poncho wearing even more because Ive often given credit to it for standing out. Then I realize it wasnt the poncho that made me stand out...it was me being myself that made me stand out. That being said, ladies and gentleman: I believe my days of poncho have reached a climax. Ive come to a state where I realize I dont want to be remembered just for wearing a poncho. I want to be remembered for knowing that so many people have come into my life and made me the person I am today. You all have my touched my heart in so many ways that all I can do is reflect on whats happened to me this year at TCTA, and how I can be forever grateful that I was with the people I call my friends now. I want to be remembered for being a part of a group that makes me the happiest when Im around them. I want to be remembered as the guy who loves to see and make people happy because life is too short to be unhappy. I want to be me. It took me this long to realize thats all I really wanted is being me. I suppose you could say Ive found my grail. To those who have sent me a lot of positive thoughts and energy last night and today, you have no idea what it means to me to have wonderful friends like you in my life. You all are the reason I am who I am today, and cannot be more thankful for knowing you all have done that for me. Whoever reads this, just know I love you, and everyone else loves you too because you are the greatest human of all time. Even if you do just scroll this, just remember to count your blessings and remember: You are special, you are unique. You are you, and thats what makes you the best person of all time. Carry on with your day :)
Posted on: Mon, 04 Aug 2014 01:14:46 +0000
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