My sweetest little boy,I am missing the best half of me..the glass half full. There are no words to describe daddys excruciating pain, sorrow so deep so powerful no light escapes its unimaginable grip on my broken heart. There is only pure complete sadness as the air has been ripped from my lungs replaced with only a vacuum of emptiness void of any life giving molecules or atoms to sustain life. You were the youngest of four beautiful children..MY puppy forevermore, Im so sorry that even through your suffering to your very last breath I could not bring your deepest desire to you..your family. You deserved but never had that very achievable gift brought even to your deathbed & even more disgraceful your funeral. I am absolutely broken hearted & utterly ashamed that you died believing you were not loved by your own mother & sister. I tried to keep an ave open for them both because you deserved nothing less than to be shown love by them but instead were completely abandoned by them both. You came back to me for 24hrs after oh so much praying to God,to say goodbye to me Jakob & only I have that beautiful, cherished answered prayer to take to my grave. I cant imagine how awful it would be to not have had those few precious hours when you awoke from oh so far away to see me by your side, to comfort you, sing to you ,love you & to tell you what I told you every single day..that Im so very proud of you,that Im so very sorry for your suffering, that you were my hero & that I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! I have made so many mistakes with every aspect of my life but you proved that I couldnt have been what so many claim me to be because I raised an Angel who never complained about the sorry hand you were dealt but instead was genuinely grateful for the little things you were given. You told me not long before your death when I was so upset that u were absolutely and utterly abandoned, shunned and all but forgotten by your maternal family even in your death, that its okay dad because you are mom,dad,grandpa, grandma when I need you to be MY little glass half full til the end. I cant bear the thought of a life without you, Im misunderstood here & my songbird has flown, I will find justice for you & your death will NOT be in vain son. I know that it worries you in heaven but fret not and always stay MY glass half full & when we reunite what beautiful dinner theatre we will put on for the Angels. I will be with you again son and neither of us nor our friends and family there already will have pain or sorrow,neither of us fit this world, only from different perspectives but what a glorious fit we will be when reunited in heaven! Goodnight my Angel..your daddy is incomplete without you, I LOVE YOU SWEET BABY BOY!! All my love son~ Daddy
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 14:49:40 +0000
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