My take on the tragic passing of Robin Williams yesterday: I am crushed by his suicide. But not the least bit surprised. The simple explanation for those of us who are left behind is that either he fell off the wagon or his depression got the best of him. But these are facile answers. My brothers and sisters out there who have committed their own lives to creative pursuits know that there is a marginalization that occurs when you choose to do so. It often feels like youre frittering your life away. Sure, people love what you do but everywhere you turn, you are made to feel other, achai, outside and a loner. Was the decision to dedicate ones life to ones passion worth it? Most others will nod vigorously and say, Of course it was! Look at how much joy youve brought people. And yet, theyre not around when you get turned down for the thousandth time for a grant, a gig, a teaching position or a credit app. So, whos getting the joy? Not the creator, in most cases. And who is paying the price? The creator. In order to even approach the genius (those of you who actually know me, know that I use that word very guardedly) of a true artist (ibid) like Robin Williams, one has to be out on a long tether. Its lonely out there and there is no true colleagueality. I dont pretend to put myself on Williams level, but as a creator, I deeply relate to his pain and frustration. The love that we get from those who really care about us independent of WHAT we do is pretty much all that we have. For many of us, our spiritual or philosophical practice does not allow for suicide. So, we keep going forward... Heifetz was once asked how it felt to be the greatest violinist in the world. His response (and I paraphrase) was that he wasnt great. The people who woke up every morning and did their work and took care of their families were the worlds truly great people. Robin Williams split. Im so sad and I hope that his passage was painless. But ultimately, he gave up and let his lesser angels win. For this, I am disappointed in a man of whom I have never heard a negative thing. As John McLaughlin wrote about Coltrane, Cant You Hear The Voices You Left Behind? I hope he can. In the words of the great Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, Kol ha olam kulo, gesher tsar meod. Vehaikar lo lefached klal. The whole world is a very narrow bridge And the main thing to recall - is not to be afraid - not to be afraid at all. Happy trails, my brother. I hope that you find peace.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 16:20:47 +0000
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