My top 10 reasons NTC sucks: 10. Going to the bathroom, especially at night, requires you to get up, put on your body armor, MILES gear, water source, jacket, Kevlar, eye pro, gloves, gas mask and grab your weapon. By the time you look like a hobo version of an elderly ninja turtle, you have to walk the 500 meters in the sand, potentially falling face first into a ditch, to a porta pottie. Then, depending on what number nature is calling you on, you might have to take all that off before you can go. Then you get to finally go while smelling the notorious aroma of.........sorry.....I threw up in my mouth. 9. Reference #10, but add the fact that you see there is no toilet paper (typical) and when you reach to your cargo pocket for the baby wipes, well, its 1:48 am and you forgot them. Dammit. 8. Swamp ass. As a result of #9. If you dont know what this is, the only analogy I can think of is imagine having your butt crack be more raw and sensitive than a baboon with hemorrhoids who licked his butt after eating habanero sauced hot wings and scratching it against a cactus. 7. Snorers. Proof that chainsaw wielding fire breathing dragons are REAL people. But how do you defeat them? 3 ways: dirty socks in the mouth, boots to the face, or cot tipping. (See what I did there? That was a good one). 6. Dust. Literally gets everywhere. Its like magical fairy dust except detrimental. Can destroy nasal cavities in days. 5. Gut trucks. Only place where youll spend $12 for a soda and a Philly cheesesteak after waiting in line for 2 hours. 4. Guard duty. The first 30 minutes are spent trying to find the dang place youre going to. Doesnt matter your rank anymore either to pull duty, but its hilarious when you start randomly doing comm checks in different voices with gun trucks that dont exist. Drives TOCs crazy. Proven fact. Gun truck 109, Gun truck 4 radio check, over. TOC: Whoever that is, CUT IT OUT. ...Pause... Gun truck 109, out. 3. Mopp 4. Should just rename it Swamp ass level 4. Nearly guaranteed way to get real world MEDEVACd due to dehydration. 2. OCs. You try to avoid them but theyre like warts. Theyre nearly impossible to get rid of and you constantly are trying to find ways to land. No matter what you say, you screwed SOMETHING up. Youre consistently humoring yourself trying to take the OC acronym and find new words for OC like omnipotent cheaters, etc. 1. Going pee in the cold.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 07:42:45 +0000
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