My whole being was flooded with joy and every fibre of my body danced with ecstasy. There was an impulse to throw myself prostrate at Sri Anandamayi Mas feet and to cry out in tears—’Mother, why have you kept me away from you all these long, long years ?“ After some minutes, I asked Mother, ‘Have I any chance of spiritual uplift?” She replied, ‘Your hunger for such a life is not yet strong enough.” I had come with a load of thoughts struggling for expression, but all were hushed into silence under the spell of Her soothing grace. I sat there speechless and dumb. Mother, too, spoke not a word. After a little while, I bowed to Her and left the place. I could not touch Her feet though I had a strong desire to do so. It was not through fear or delicacy; some mysterious power pushed me away from Her presence. I did not go to Shah-bag for long afterwards. I reflected thus:—”As long as She would not draw me close to Her like my own Mother, removing Her veil, how could I clasp Her feet to my bosom?” There was a great conflict in me; a strong desire to see Her and a sharp pain at Her aloofness;— both were equally strong and in opposition to each other. No mode of approach seemed possible. In this manner I passed seven months in the midst of the din and bustle of every day life with a prospect of meeting Her every hour. One day I brought Mother (Anandamayi Ma) to my house. An intense joy thrilled my whole being to meet Her after such a long time. But it was not permanent. When She was about to leave my house I bowed down to touch Her feet, but She withdrew them. I felt as if pierced by a smarting pain. Then I tried to ease the pangs of the struggle in my heart by reading various books on religion. I resolved to publish a small book on religion and religious practices. The book was written and published under the title, “Sadhana” and I forwarded a copy of it to Mother through Sri Bhupendra Narayan Das Gupta. Mother curtly said to him,—”Ask the author to come and see me.” On receiving this call from Mother I went to Shah-bag one morning. I came to learn that Her vow of silence of the last three years was over. She came and sat close to me. I read out the whole book to Her and after hearing the contents, She said,—”Though after three years of silence, my vocal chords are not functioning properly, yet words are forcing themselves out of my mouth to-day. Your book is quite good. Try to develop even more purity of thought and action.” During that interview with Her, Pitaji was present. I began to feel that a new world was opening out before me and that I was sitting like a little child before my own parents I learnt from various sources that many of Mother’s devotees had been fortunate enough to find the images of many gods and goddesses revealed in Her body. But as I saw with my own eyes manifestations of great supernatural powers in Her every day life, I did not care to look for some special revelation. My humble aspiration was that if I could model my life after the ideals of patience and composure always manifested in Her, it would be more than enough for me. Still man’s natural impulse to see some material embodiment of divine powers in human life, prompted me one day to enquire from Her, when I found Her alone : I asked,—”Mother, pray, tell me, what are you in reality? She laughed out loudly and said with all affection:— “How could such childish queries arise in your heart ? The vision of gods and goddesses appears in accordance with one’s inherited dispositions (samskaras). I am what I was and what I shall be; I am whatever you conceive, think or say. But it is a supreme fact that this body has not come into being to reap the fruits of past karma.. (Prarabdha or the results of actions of past births about to mature in this life. ) Why don’t you take it that this body is the material embodiment of all your thoughts and ideas. You all have wanted it and you have it now. So play with this doll for some time. Further questions will be fruitless.” I said,—”These words of yours, Mother, do not satisfy my yearning.” Hearing this, She spoke with slight vehemence, —“Say, say, what more you desire” and immediately a dazzling flood of heavenly light shone forth from Her face. I was struck dumb with awe and wonder. All my doubts were laid at rest. About fifteen days later, I went to Shah-bag one morning and found the door of Mother’s bed-room closed. I sat down in front of it some 25 to 30 feet away. The door opened all at once. I found to my bewilderment, the figure of a divinely beautiful goddess as genially bright as the sun at dawn, illumining the whole interior of the room. In the twinkling of an eye She withdrew all the radiance within Her body and Mother was there, standing and smiling in Her usual manner. ~ Book ~ MOTHER AS REVEALED TO ME ♥ English edition of Bhaiji’s Matri Darshan in Bengali Translated By Sri Ganga Charan Dasgupta Photo: Bholanath Ji, Bhaiji and Sri Ma ॐ ♥
Posted on: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 07:17:07 +0000
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