Mystical Verses - Self-to-self writes: Friends come in all sizes, shapes and colours... Its being able to see eye-to-eye, sharing our daily stories, that counts. Its trust that speaks love... Im the stormy weather friend, the friend who might not be silly and goofy all the time - or even that often - but will be there when you are not having a good day and others insist that youre bringing them down! Screw that attitude, if their happiness is so fragile that they cannot dare to stand with you from whatever low point youre at, knowing that we all have low moments and they do not endure, then do you really need them to hang about in the fringes for only the sunny patches? I love the sunny patches too, I love seeing my friends create and make wonderful lives for themselves based on their talents, their artistic passions, their interests, but Im a spiritual healer in the sense that I gravitate towards sadness and negatives because I derive soul-satisfacton from the opportunity to turn a frown into a smile, and to remind someone of their light when they only feel darkness. I may not always do it well, but I try my best. I am owning it, I am not going to be ashamed of it, or have anyone pigeonhole me into the category of dull, melancholy, or dark. I have friends of all kinds of personalities and dispositions, but the one thing that they have in common is that they are thoughtful people who recognise self-actualisation as much as compassion and altruism. They feel the soul of the person beneath the facade, and they want others to do well, not do less than themselves. They also know that the one person they can influence most to grow and to shine is themselves. And they focus on this rather than pushing others down as if their own foothold in life depends on standing on the head or heart of another. Paths made of broken hearts, dreams, and spirits are shaky ground to walk upon... I have let go of people who pretend to bring sunshine into my life while hoping I will live under a cloud, using my own attraction to said clouds as an excuse and a justification because they do not understand I seek to blow clouds away, not to stand under them. But these people also gladly would give me their clouds then walk away with clear skies. And part of my learning has been to let their clouds go, to rise above the clouds and sometimes, to not even try blow their cloud away but to let them be with that cloud and find their own wind and sun to move onto a new weather pattern. When I am more interested in clearing my own skies and not taking on their clouds I have become self-centred in their eyes. I have also been unfriended by people who took my sense of responsibility for the weight of the world as a sign of selfishness because I was not up to speed on their particular life and their problems. But they did not reach out. Friendships go both ways...no matter the weather...if they had reached out I most certainly would have been there. I dont trumpet my RAKs, my pay-it-forwards, or any other acts of kindness, I choose to use FB as a platform for questioning, raising awareness, and sharing MY journey as a way of showing others that we are all flawed humanly and yet we do not need to follow the flaws but can recognise/find our soul/light, and indeed should never give up bringing that light to the foreground, and shining it as far as possible. I use myself as an example, I share my vulnerabilities, and yes some people like to jump all over that. But as I learn who I am more and more I can use this as a framework from which to help others. When you know your purpose and your passions you then can know how to bring your own mark of generosity and kindness into the world. Writing such passages as this one is my way of dealing with myself AND dealing with my connection to others. Sharing of ourselves through self-awareness is neither selfish nor insular. I have to go back to sleep so I will save my own perceptions of selfishness and living in a bubble for another blog. I am writing this because I am still healing from the wounds I allowed to be inflicted by other peoples perceptions of me...spoken and more subtle. I am writing this because sometimes I need to realise that what others project onto me is not me. This has been a lifelong learning. And there have been plenty of lessons in this course. I am writing this because I know someone else feels or has felt these things and has a similar view of circumstances. I am writing this because for whatever reasons, unknown to me, this had to turn up on the screen tonight... I hope it finds its destination. As for you and me, I hope we continue walking our paths side by side.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 23:32:07 +0000
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