NICKNAMES · If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. · When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesnt need but its on sale. BATHROOMS · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . · The average number of items in the typical womans bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS · A woman has the last word in any argument. · Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS · A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. · A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesnt. · A man marries a woman expecting that she wont change, but she does. DRESSING UP · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. · Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. FRIENDSHIPS Proof that Men Have Better Friends. Friendship among Women: A woman didnt come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friends house. The man called his wifes 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didnt come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The woman called her husbands 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. Theres no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 16:04:13 +0000
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