NO TOOTHPASTE IN CARACAS SINCE HUGO CHAVEZ’S DEATH (Criminal Communist Body Odor Eaters Continues To Plunder BreadWhile Peoples Starve) (OP-ED PIECE BY HERMES ROSSATO) DAY 14 – Breaking news from Gabriela Garcia Marquez country: This just in from our roving on-the-ground cross-dressing correspondent “Hermes Rossato” in Caracas, Venezuela: (Courtesy of the A.S.S. News Services Suite/Mojo/Mojito Wireless-Cable TV in South America): {*+EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a full correction and retraction of yesterday’s false and inaccurate reporting by not-unaffiliated freelance independent subcontracted writer John Fitzgerald Adolphus McCarthy. Please send all litigation requests and photo opportunities to Attorney Yael Bloor on Park Avenue, NYC) We absolutely and fully apologize to anyone who was inadvertently libeled, defamed or otherwise prevented from making money by yesterday’s scurrilous, admittedly-wrong but-now-retracted-so-we-are fully-absolved-of-any-malicious-criminal-liability-or-money-damages-award-judgment reportage.+*} CARACAS – April 14, 2013 – A.S.S. NEWS NETWERK – Oliver Stoned has a clearly distended view of Venezuela. Russia’s stooge of choice Hugo Chavez raped and pillaged our noble country from 1997 to 2013 (and didn’t have the decency to lube our flanks first). Chavez was a total chazzer of a man and a complete clown disgrace to the hardworking people of Venezuela. He (and his nubile, Nubian daughters) brought shame and embarrassment to each and every one of us. We are not better off having met them or his gang of four knifing thieves. His illegally convened and unconstitutional dictatorship of our country with its murderous Fifth-Third Bank Republican Bowel Movement (1999-2007) were minutes that seemed like hours to us. We feel lucky to have come out the other side of the sewer just slightly browned rather than Jerzy Kozinski/“Painted Bird”/Slumdog Millionaire dunked in a septic vitrine and held under dysentarial water until we couldn’t breathe any more and had to come up for air in this scatological party slogan they call “Fifth Third Republicanism Movement” which still (waters runs deep) continues until this day in the Moscow-sandpaper computer printout ballots (falsified United Socialist Party electoral-like hanging chads victory predicted for yet another Communist Nicolas Maduro) elections (no U.N. monitoring or Habitat For Humanity Jimmy Carter yet despite outcries for independent monitors). In those sixteen years of malarial misery, we moved one thousand years backwards, and no years forwards. It was SHEER HELL, even by South American standards. We each got a little poorer under “Puto Thief Hugo’s” rule. He was no damn good to anyone but himself and his henchmen and I’m not afraid to say it because Attorney Bloor has promised me diplomatic immunity at the United Nations Papal Sanctuary in New York City (if all goes wrong). Chavez made his Salisbury steak buddies millionaires overnight; while the rest of us starved like stray dogs in the dusty, rough and tumbleweed streets of Caracas wood and galvanize friable asbestos shanty towns. In the whole country, we have no rice, no chicken, no corn flour, no wheat flour, no toilet paper and no toothpaste (not even Saudi Arabian-poisoned Colgate toothpaste made in South Africa). Just like in Castro’s-Cunt Cuba and Mafia-controlled Russia, there are long lines to purchase the necessities of life. How would you like to go two months without Mali bark-wood soft toilet paper or running water to bidet yourself? Why can’t the Good and Honorable President Barack Husein Obama send humanitarian aid to us? President Billary Clinton sent food to Somalia and those dirty no good ape-Muslims dragged our ennoblized, fully deputized brownshirt U.S. troops’ dead bodies through the streets of Mogadishu in the depths of their shallow gratitude. We would be much more ingrateful than the Middle Passage Africans were if we could just get some needed pulled pork, Ruffles, lard, orange juice, Spam, toothpaste, Cheetos, and toilet paper. I saw a video on YouTube where the prosperous-looking Honorable Film Director Michael Moore threw clean underwears and Roman noodles to the disadvantaged white Americans in the crowd for his rock concert performance art. Could Mr. Moore possibly send us some of HIS leftover table scraps? It looks to me like he won’t miss them too much. I’m sure the whole country would be mucho gracias! Congratulations on all of your General Motors successes Mr. Moore, we can clearly see you now and love you here but the honest truth is that we are starving to death. The “Socialist” government steals everything here. I don’t know how it works in America. It looks like the anti-Socialist rich steal everything there. Our government started out humble and hungry but got fat, sick and cancerous by over-indulging on the pork- and chicken-less backs of the poor of our noble and beautiful country. (Please come for a scenic visit when the social media unrest and murderous street violence dies down.) If there is anyone good out there in the world in a position of power could you please send help immediately? Put a violent end to these “Communist” stooge millionaires pretending in their sheeps hides to be Socialist-wolves in government from further plundering in everyone’s valuable oil-rich Venezuela. The gains they have made during the Chavez years were illegally gotten. And Oliver Stoned is not a righteous or noble man if he says differently. As Spike Lee said to Quentin Tarantino: I throw down the gauntlet with this linen napkin and say unto you that he is a liar when it comes to his slavery abuse profits annuity coeptis {He (God) has approved of our undertakings in advance)} I ask you who stands to gain the most by another Communist puppet winning these so-called free and fair elections? Russia. That’s who. And what Putin wants in this neck of the Amazon woods, Russia gets! {EDITOR’S FINAL NOTE: Juan Fitzgerald Thompson in Brazil says that the toilet paper, tampons and Kotexes that Venezuela receives through Russia mafia sources is actually manufactured using only Tamarind tree bark from Honduras. We apologize for any inconveniences (itchiness/scratchiness) this may have caused (product liability is “The Bad” of the manufacturer, though; the A.S.S. News Network assumes no responsibility for contaminations, contagions or other lethal noxious side effects of using these fourth-world products made in the Third World by Fifth World minds and hands.) {Mark Zuckerberg sucks donkey dick.} And we will correct just as soon as someone from editorial shows up. We need someone to translate Spanish into English more better. Lo siento; it’s a Sunday here.}
Posted on: Mon, 16 Sep 2013 12:48:21 +0000
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