NOT HAPPY with SANTA this year Dear Santa, I am sixty four years old and finally believe in you.It must be true that you know when I was bad and good.Just because I SHOUTED at that young mother with a crying baby in the grocery store to SHUT UP THAT KID. Yes and I was POUTING when the old man in the car beat me to the handicapped parking spot. It was rainning very hard,I did not want to get wet and why did the nursing home cut him loose?I suppose you saw me give him the finger too? I will admit it made me laugh so hard I started to CRY when I grabbed the last box of DEPENDS from the shelf just as some old granny was reaching for them.I thought it was hillarious when I then heard over the intercom CLEAN UP in aisle four. You must have noticed I zoomed through a big,dirty puddle with my car as two nuns in full habits were in the cross walk.You know I was kidding when I had a delivery from the chinese restaurant and I gave a ten cent tip and told the guy dont spend it all in one place. Santa,you surely can not count the time I pulled over to give a black guy a ride hitch hiking and I booted the gas just as he got to the car.He was mad but I changed my mind.TOUGH TITTY SAID THE KITTY WHEN THE MILK RAN DRY. LOOK buddy, I fed that dog Hormel Hot Chili because he barked too much.Let the owner clean up that indoor accident at three AM. Some might think I was naughty beeping my horn ,repeatedly,as I passed that cemetary where a burial was taking place. There was a HOTTIE walking down the other side of the street in skin tight jeans. I was calling her HEY HOOCHIE not the one at the cold meat party. It is really NONE of your business if I have skipped church for fifty two weeks and more. You hang at the North pole.I doubt there is a place of worship there in fruitcake land with just you,Mrs Clause and a bunch of weird little elves.I hope you all do not sleep in one big bed with rudolph too? The first thing I do every morning at five AM is get up and put water on to boil for my first coffee.Then I always go and pee but NO,NOT TODAY,I ran outside and looked.I did not find that shiny red cadillac I had on my list.So what if I do not have a tree. NOTHING was left here by you but I know you were right next door. I looked out the window and four kids were running around with arms full of toys,big smiles on their faces. EVEN the dog looks like he got a new chew toy.THAT HURTS PAL. I promise that next year I will change and never be naughty. My middle name is now NICE and the cookies will be homemade ones not out of date,stale ones I bought for a dime on the dollar at the flea market. Perhaps you will take a few minutes to notice the difference in me soon. Dennis P.S. You could stand to lose fifty pounds SOME SAY
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 12:37:16 +0000