Need to take a moment to debrief from this atrocity that just took place... I will keep it clean because I have little young impressionable eyes looking at my page, but just know, anywhere that there could possibly be an obscenity, one was probably there...use your imagination, it wont be far from reality... So I get home from work and I am taking a... I am in the bathroom minding my own flippin business when I hear some rustlin... I already know what the hell is bout to go down and my dad isnt even in Texas to come take care of the situation... I get up and turn around because thats where the last little bastard was!! Not there😒😳... Of course at this point I am in panic mode as my heart rate and BP reaches cerebrovascular accident (fancy terminology for stroke) levels. Then up in the tip top corner of the ceiling I see the dreaded antennae 😱 As if I wasnt panicked enough... Its quite possible I sharted (wont be the first time. Definitely not the last...pickles get me EVERY time...TMI... Thats why you love me) when I saw those things because they were long which only meant that this creature was at least the size of King Kong! Now that Ive panicked, theres only one thing left to do... PANIC AGAIN!!! 😫😩 I immediately begin to think, who can come kill this this thing is going fall in my hair or even worse, this thing is going to eat me alive.So I did what any grown man would do... called my 15 year old sister to come help me out!! #doyouhaveaproblem. That heifa was nowhere to be found. I then decide to bite the bullet and get a roll of tape and throw it. Mind you, I still havent seen this monster yet... Just its ears! After a couple Of throws, I dont see the ears anymore so I assume its dead 💀... Well,Ii didnt know for sure so, of course, my sanity was in jeopardy (as if that needs to jeopardized any further) 😝. I get brave and get the broom And start tearing down the wall paper... Sherice is probably going to murder me... If i wake up dead, SHES YOUR FIRST SUSPECT!... With fear and trembling, Im slowly pushing the broom under the paper detaching it from the wall... Did I also mention that I am reconsidering life at this point?!... Well... I am!!!!... Push a little, push a little more...more. Then, this creature the size of leviathan comes running down the wall... Im having flashbacks and running away just from thinking about it... As I approach it with my pitchfork, hand grenade and rocket launcher, o and the broom... Dont forget the broom... I hit it and THE DAMNED (thats in the Bible...I think...Im safe) THING STARTED FLYING!!! Again, I do what any grown obscenity man would do and I scream like the weather man did when the roach tried to eat his leg off!! ISH just got real!!! Not only did I scream, I ran and almost busted my head on the wall!! This was it... This is how my life would end... I saw the light and Peter at the pearly gates... I came back and had to do the manliest thing ever... Call my 11 year old brother to kill T-Rex!!! Thank God he came!!! He goes in there, hits it with his shoe IN MY BATHTUB... And it splatters and I literally vomit! The End #aintnobodygottimeforthis #givemepoopbloodthrowup #leavethejunebugandroacheswheretheystay #unlessitsinmypersonalspace #icant #idonotdothis #thisisnotwhatIdo #yestherearevideos
Posted on: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 03:53:59 +0000
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