Nerd Hierarchy? Robot Chicken has released a new action figurine dubbed “Convention Nerd,” which I believe will be exclusively available to attendees of Comic-Con 2010, which is scheduled to start a week from tomorrow. While I was interested in comic books as an adolescent, it appears that I escaped the grasp of at least one social disorder, and I seem to have been afflicted by most of the rest. While hardly definitive, I’ve attempted to put together a list of nerd classifications. This way you can determine which subcategory or subcategories you belong to. Tech Nerds: Probably the most common variety of nerd, this individual attempts to keep abreast of evolving technology. The goal of this nerd is to acquire as many cool new gadgets as possible, while vocally pointing out the perceived flaws in any items they do not acquire. Sci-Fi Nerds: Also a common genus of nerd. Usually found at home, but make rare appearances (usually in a Halloween costume) in public when there is a new Star Trek movie, or an autograph signing session for cast members of the short-lived television program, Firefly. Hint: If you have seen Firefly, you are probably a Sci-Fi Nerd. Science Nerds: When I was small, the polite expression for this type of nerd was tinker. Typically found in their garage, trying to mix solvents to manufacture an all purpose cleaner, or trying to merge a television and a toaster to create a super-appliance. Their heroes include Albert Einstein, and Lex Luther. Comic Nerds: Pretty much the same as a Sci-Fi nerd, except they have different conventions to attend. Also usually found in full costume when outside their domicile. Comic Book Guy - The Simpsons Gamer Nerds: If you know they frame rate that your graphics card produces, you probably fall into this category. Also, Gamer Nerds tend to use their own terminology like “pwn,” “n00b,” and “1337.” Music Nerds: The type of music aficionado looks down their nose at people who listen to popular music. They usually attempt to convert friends and family, by doling out home-burned discs of the artists they listen to. Ironically, the reason none of their favorite bands will never achieve commercial success is the fan-base is almost exclusively comprised of music nerds who steal most of their music from the internet, and pass it onto friends on home-burned discs. Book Nerds: Typically this category of nerd is found buried in a book. Usually identifiable by their thick glasses, due to poor eyesight incurred from decades of squinting at black ink on paper. They often follow a particular genre of fiction, or a particular author, and are more social than they appear. They can be found in niche chat forums that cater to their genre or author, often correcting each other’s typos and grammar. Sports Nerds: Typically male, this nerd usually can’t remember family members’ birthdays, but do remember the batting averages of at least 50 baseball players over the last decade. Usually they relegate themselves to being housebound for a week or three, before the beginning of each sport’s season, so they can research the best draft picks for their fantasy league. Gearheads aka Car Nerds: Most of these nerds don’t even think they are nerds. Put simply, if you know how many foot-pounds of torque your car produces, you are probably a Car Nerd. If you know how many pounds of torque any car you don’t own produces, you are definitely a Car Nerd. Otaku Nerds: Nerds obsessed with anything from anime to all things Japanese. Often comic nerds will evolve into anime nerds. It is a slippery slope. Sailor Moon Movie Nerds: Anyone who dedicates 10% or more of their brain’s memory capacity to movie quotes. If you have used a memorable expression like “I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” you may or may not fall in this category. If you use a lot of different quotes, and find yourself having to explain to people where a quote comes from about 50% of the time, you probably fall in this category. RPG Nerds: Usually Gaming Nerds who have taken it to the next level. These nerds can be found in small groups, gathered around a board game, or a sheet of graph paper that has been used to illustrate a map—often acting out a role in a funny voice, and occasionally in costume. Most RPG Nerds look down on LARPing, however. LARP Nerds: Popularized by the movie, Role Models—these nerds are RPG Nerds to the nth degree. Usually found in larger groups, in a park setting, they can be found in full medieval wardrobe in a park setting waging pretend war on one another. If you are ten, and enjoy LARPing, you are probably a normal ten-year old. If you are 25, you are a LARP Nerd. LARP Demotivator Beer Nerds: Another subset of nerds that may not realize they are nerds. Like the Music Nerd, they avoid anything consumed by the masses, and relegate themselves to finding beer you have never heard of, often from countries you have never heard of. Boasting a sophisticated palette, they will explain to you why beer should be enjoyed, and will try to articulate all of the subtle taste and smell aspects of the beer you will never be fully aware of. Wine Nerds: Very similar to Beer Nerds, but they look down their noses on Beer Nerds. Wine Nerds can not only tell you why a particular vintage tastes better than another, they will also tell you which foods are okay to consume with them. Often Wine Nerds develop an affinity for cheese. Foodies aka Food Nerds: Many people assume that all Foodies are fat. While many are, this isn’t always the case. Foodies boast a sophisticated palette, and usually devote the majority of their free time to seeking out newer and better foods. They also spend a lot of time watching the Food Network, and reading/writing food blogs. If you have ever driven 50 miles for a cheeseburger, you may have just had a craving for a great cheeseburger. If you often drive 50 miles for your favorite cheeseburger, you may have Foodie tendencies. What subcategory of nerd are you?
Posted on: Wed, 05 Jun 2013 11:37:06 +0000
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