New Employee Guidelines SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, March 21, and Dec. 25. OUT DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal and maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. Have a nice week.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 16:57:48 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015