New Years eve was quite a busy day for me, but today has been much slower paced. I figured I would take a moment to reflect on the year 2014, and how it affected my life both good and bad. It truly is crazy how much has happened to me in just one year. It was the second week in January when I held my breath and took that first pregnancy test. I was shocked beyond belief when a minute after peeing on the stick, there were two pink lines staring harshly back at me. This cant be real, I thought. How am I going to tell Jeremy? Im still in nursing school and dont have a career yet, Im not ready for a baby! Will I be a good mom? How will I be a good mom and still be able to finish school? Those were just some of the few questions that were racing through my mind as I took the second pregnancy test just in case the first one was a fluke. After another minute, two more pink lines were staring back at me again, daring me to challenge them. I immediately called Jeremy who was at work. After two calls I hadnt gotten an answer so I texted him. Are you busy at work? Im coming to get you, theres something I need to tell you. And then I drove to the Y, my heart pounding and my palms sweating as I gripped the steering wheel. He walked out to meet me at the car. I had the positive pregnancy test hidden in the glove box. He opened the car door and sat down in his seat, and he said to me, Can I tell you what it is that youre going to tell me? Huh? I said, kind of confused. Youre pregnant. How did you know?! I said as I pulled out the pregnancy test. We both think it is just the extremely close bond we have that allowed him to guess what I was going to tell him. We then went to Target to get a different brand of pregnancy tests, just to triple check. And of course it was positive once again. I wont lie, a part of me was scared, like all new moms. I think I was a little more scared considering the fact that I was a full time student and currently not married. Did Jeremy even want to have a kid with me? Because we definitely werent planning on it at this point in our lives. But this man, the love of my life, hugged me, kissed my forehead and said We are going to get through this baby. Together. You know how much I love you. I am so excited that you are going to be the mother of my child. When we found out I was pregnant, we had just celebrated our 2 year dating anniversary. It was kind of expected that we would get married, but I had no clue when or how it was going to happen. Jeremy sold his car that he was still paying on, and we temporarily moved in with his father and Becky Lancaster Cawley to save money for when the baby got here. Not even a month later and he surprised me on a snowy day in the gazebo in Afton Village by getting down on one knee and asking me to be his wife. He proposed on a snowy day because he knows how much I love the snow. To say this man knows me better than anyone in the world ever has is an understatement. Then on February 28th, we were married in downtown Concord in a small ceremony with just our family present. Oh and Bev Slimer ;) On our wedding day I was 12 weeks pregnant, and the only people who knew at the time were our parents and my best friend. The whole time I was pregnant, I was in school full time and working 2 jobs. I stopped working when they found the blood clot in my leg on August 1st. My doctors told me they still expected me to be able to have a normal delivery. My plan at the time was to have Rylan, take maybe 1 or 2 days off, and then go back to school to finish my final semester so I could graduate in December. Needless to say that didnt end up happening. Most of you probably know my story. Pulmonary embolism after having a c-section, and fighting for my life until they could get me put on a lung bypass machine. I was then in a medically induced coma for a week, and spent a total of 1 month in the hospital. I have been through so many different emotional states throughout my trauma and recovery, but if there is one thing that has stood out to me through all of this, its that our God, our Heavenly father, our Savior, is faithful and true, and is the only One who will never fail us. Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. This verse is Joseph talking to his brothers who sold him into slavery in Egypt. They were jealous of him, and wanted to get rid of him. However, Joseph ends up rising to a place of power and saves many peoples lives by saving grain and preparing for the upcoming famine that the Lord had revealed to him. Just think of how horrible it felt to have your own flesh and blood sell you to slavers. But God was able to use this situation to fulfill His purpose for Jacobs life. The same goes for me. The Devil tried to harm me, but God has used this situation to bring so much good into my life. There are so many friendships I have now that would never have existed had it not been for my trauma. And I am so beyond thankful that I am able to have these people in my life. Also, it has brought me closer to a lot of people that I wasnt close to in my past. This trauma healed a brokenness in Jeremys family and caused us all to become so much closer to each other, and for that I will be forever grateful. When the time comes, I know this situation will make me a better nurse. So as 2014 ends, I chose not to mourn over my lost birth experience, and not to sulk over all of the bad things that happened to me in 2014. Instead I choose to rejoice and thank God for all of my blessings, and to thank him for the fact that he allowed me to live to see 2015. I know He has great things in store for me, and I cant wait to see his plans unfold in my life. Heres to a blessed year in 2015! I want to say thank you to everyone who has stuck by my side through this, and to everyone who didnt even know me yet stepped up to do anything they could to help me out. I also thank my old AND new friends for everything yall do for me. You all truly are the best :) sending all my love! Happy New Year! And to all I couldnt tag- Kayla Nicole Whitley, Anna-Renée Hobbs Blanquicet, Candice Seaford, Cassie Beach, Adam Masters, Samuel J Haivala, Anthony Weiss, Noah Wygal, Morgan Ulmer & the rest of my nursing gals, and of course all of my teachers as well! Cris Carter Eudy, Valerie Naylor Rakes. I know I probably forgot someone, and Im sorry! I still love you! :)
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 03:03:49 +0000
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