New post on Tyrone Tribulations Ardboe On High Alert After Local Man Upsets Two Religious Group In Ten Minutes by Gombeen Penny chews Ardboe officials were said to be preparing for the worst after local footballer Timothy McGuckian mistakenly upset two different religious groups whilst shopping in the Spar for wheaten bread and a litre of milk. Sandbags and GPS devices have been purchased in case a navy onslaught starts this weekend. The unfortunate series of events began when McGuckian contemplated buying a few sweets for his grandson who was suffering from a bad cold at the time. On being offered a couple of penny chews by the shopkeeper, the ageing footballer remarked: Ah feck no, sure I hate chews. Theyre annoyed wee buggers and you cant get rid of them. Jewish Rabbi Fredrick Hughes, who happened to be purchasing a pound of mince at the time, mistook the word chew for an attack on his religion and immediately informed the PSNI as well as leaders in New York. Within three minutes of the first incident, McGuckian again managed to alienate another religious grouping after innocently commenting on a new brand of white bread made by local man and aspiring baker Sean Teague. Whilst feeling the breads on offer, the full forward remarked: ah no, not Teagues. I hate Teagues. They charge ye through the roof for a heap of dung. Unfortunately Fr Quinn, thinking this was an attack on his fellow worshippers, or taigs as they are referred to by non-catholics, overheard the remark and immediately ex-communicated Timothy and anyone related to him. The Vatican are reportedly considering issuing a Papal Bull, allowing neighbouring townlands of Ballymaguigan and Moortown the religious freedom to invade Ardboe and drive the heathens into the Lough according to a spokesman for Pope Francis. Ardboe retaliated with a promise that the area isnt into the racism at all and it was simply a dialectal confusion. He added that there was no money in racism anyway. Gombeen | August 22, 2014 at 10:50 am | Tags: ARDBOE, ballymaguigan, catholic, chews, jews, Lough Neagh, Moortown, New York, papal bull, Pope Francis, PSNI, Vatican | Categories: Ardboe, Moortown | URL: wp.me/p2Gaxa-19u Comment See all comments Unsubscribe to no longer receive posts from Tyrone Tribulations. Change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions. Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: tyronetribulations/2014/08/22/ardboe-on-high-alert-after-local-man-upsets-two-religious-group-in-ten-minutes/ Thanks for flying with WordPress
Posted on: Fri, 22 Aug 2014 11:56:19 +0000
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