Newcastle is a long way from London; just about as far as one can go without leaving England. Perched on the Scottish border, close to the bleakness of the North Sea, it is a chilly and dark place. Newcastle is Jimmy Nail and Get Carter, When the Boat Comes In and The Likely Lads. They dont make comedy shows about Tyneside. To an extent, the city has thrown off its image of shipbuilding and coal. Both industries have long gone. Instead it has become a city of call centres and Geordie Shore and the location of an increasingly sloaney university. Barbour jacketed teenagers rubbing shoulders with orange skinned women who dont wear coats. A curious combination. Some wearing pearl necklaces given to them by their godparents on their 18th birthday others...oh well, you get the gist. Geordies dont like wearing many clothes. Bare chested men fill their ugly stadium and barely clothed women rush drunkenly between nightclubs in the evenings. Probably not the best place to open a branch of Austin Reed or H&M. Keep your kit on and no one will mistake you for a local. Geordies speak with an accent designed to be understood by no one but the speaker and his next of kin. It is for this reason that no literature of any merit appears to have come from the area. No, Byker Grove cannot be considered literature, not even in a liberal 20th century way. Indeed, as far as the arts go, Ant and Dec, Cheryl Cole and Sting are the pick of a poor bunch. Interestingly, all have moved to London. Also note that the character played by Michael Caine in Get Carter, although originally from Newcastle and with a brother still living there, moved to London and swiftly developed a London accent all the better to be understood. If you want to be threatening, it is always a good idea to be able to communicate your message. Of course, everyone loves a Geordie. Whats not to love about Alan Shearer? As Irvine Walsh said I quite like Geordies; they are just like us Scots except that they cant blame the English. There is a fast train back to London from Newcastle. The weather will be autumnal. Around 9 degrees at most, dropping to almost zero over-night. Showers, some wind from the south west. It gets dark early up there. An awkward time of year to get it absolutely right. Still warm enough to avoid full winter coats but certainly too cool for a light jacket. Layers could be the answer. Good idea to wear thick socks. Remember to leave the pub in decent time for the long haul up to the top tier. Nothing worse than having to run up all those steps only to find that a runner just before you have deposited eight pints of lager in vomit form on the steps to render them slippery. Somehow a fall on those hard concrete steps into a large pool of liquid chunder can spoil a day. Sitting high above the pitch for 90 minutes stinking of puke and then the long journey home as the liquid dries into a crust on ones clothes is not worth a few extra minutes in the pub. Remember, you are Chelsea and Chelsea is style.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 16:08:08 +0000
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