Next time you encounter a “happy” and “grateful” adoptee who had “wonderful” adoptive parents and a “wonderful” life, look a little closer. It is difficult, emotionally, to imagine a tiny baby’s very real feelings about the loss of his or her mother -- the terror of losing all that is familiar, all that is comfort – the unique heartbeat, scent, taste, voice, rhythms and vibrations. Babies are born needing and expecting these familiar things which only their natural mothers can provide. Even with this knowledge which has accumulated over the past 20 years, there remain those in our society who sever the mother/child entity as casually as they would cut a common earthworm in two. Ignored trauma is another trauma A child’s first experience in the adoptive family is usually joining in everyone else’s happiness over his or her tragedy. The child’s first trauma is ignored or dismissed, perhaps in the belief that enough love will make it disappear. It will not. In essence, the adoptee is expected to dance along with everyone else on his or her own mother’s virtual grave. Most experts in the fields of adoption psychology and trauma consider this dismissal to be the adoptee’s second trauma.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 12:29:32 +0000