Nixon Tapes, Hour 257; It is April 30, 1973, Nixon has just spoken to the American people and announced the resignation of four of his top aids. Nixon is alone in the Oval Office. We hear him speak to a secret service agent, his secretary Rose Mary Woods and he receives calls from Billy Graham and Ronald Reagan (Ice dropping into a glass.) Nixon: “Hmmm. I wonder if I could ...” (Sound of ice being pulled from a bucket.) “It’s down to one shot. Tied one ten to one ten. Nixon has the ball, he’s moving down court. Look at the grace of his movements. I know what you mean, Don, he’s like a cat. Right you are, Howard. A smooth, easy going cat. Indeed, Don, with ... With the grace of a ballet dancer. That’s so true, Howard, the grace of a ballet dancer. But, a ...a manly ballet dancer. Not like a... A flitty, light in the loafers, ballet dancer. He’s a ... Well uh ... If Mercury Morris were a ballet dancer, that’s the kind of ballet dancer this Nixon would be. Right, Don. Except .... Except he wouldn’t be black. No, Howard, he certainly wouldn’t be black. So Nixon moves down the court, the clock ticks away, ten, nine, eight, he’s looking for his shot, six, five, top of the key Nixon shoots. (Sound of ice smashing through a window) Sweet Jesus dancing in a night shirt. (Doors opening, feet moving quickly.) Secret Service Agent: “Mr. President, are you all right?” Nixon: “Yes, yes, Tad, I’m ... I’m fine.” Agent: “Did you throw ice through the window, Mr. President?” Nixon: “Not intentionally, Tad, it was down to the buzzer, I was trying to hit the winning basket.” (Silence) Agent: “I’ll have maintenance come up and replace that right away.” Nixon: “Ok, that’s good, thank you.” Agent: “Thank you, Mr. President.” (Door opens) Nixon: “Say, Tad.” Agent: “Yes, Mr. President?” Nixon: “Could you ... Could you slip the maintenance guy a few bucks? I’d do it but ... I’m a little light right now.” Agent: “Well, sir ... I ... Uh ...” Nixon: “What? What is it?” Agent: “I don’t mean to be that guy, sir but ... You still owe me for the pizza, two racks of beer, a meatball sub, a snow cone, that bouquet of flowers you had me give to that “nice girl” in front of the gas station, a bottle of coke, a package of fig newtons, some funyuns and you still haven’t paid off the bet on the Redskins game.” (Silence) Nixon: “I don’t recall eating funyuns.” (Silence) Agent: “Fine, Mr. President, I’ll give the maintenance guy a few bucks.” Nixon: “Good man, Tad. Make sure he knows it’s from me.” Agent: “Yes, Mr. President.” (Door closing) Nixon: “Where was I? Oh yes ... Scotch.” ( We hear humming, ice in a glass, liquid pouring.) (door opening) Woods: “Mr. President?” Nixon: “Yes, Rose?” Woods; “Mr. President, reverend Graham is on the phone.” Nixon: “Oh, God Damn it. All right, all right. Just let me ...” (Sound of drinking. Nixon gasps. Ice in glass, liquid pouring) All right, I’ll ... I’ll take it.” Woods: “Yes, Mr. President. Please watch your potty mouth.” (Door closing.) Nixon: “All right, Dick, you can do this.” (into phone) Nixon: “Hello, Billy, how the hell are ya?” Graham: “Mr. President, I’m well thank you.” Nixon: “Glad to hear it. What can I do for you, BIlly?” Graham: “Mr. President, I just wanted to call you and congratulate you on your speech. Exceptional, sir, quite exceptional.” Nixon: “Well, thank you, Billy. I appreciate that.” Graham: “Truly wonderful, Mr. President. I wanted to reach through the television and hug you.” Nixon: “Well, that’s ... That’s kind of you, Billy. Deeply weird but, kind all the same.” (Sound of drinking.) Graham: “I just wanted to call you and let you know I was moved, deeply, deeply moved by the speech.” Nixon: “All right, Billy, don’t over sell it.” Graham: “I mean Ruth and I, well, she just loves you to death, Mr. President.” Nixon: “Really? Is she single?” Graham: “What’s that, sir?” Nixon: “I said she is singular in her support and I appreciate that.” (door opening.) Woods: “Excuse me Mr. President, but Governor Reagan is on the line.” Nixon: “Billy ...” Graham: “I just want you to know I am right behind you all the way.” Nixon: “I’m sure you’d like to be.” Graham: “What’s that, Mr. President.” “Nixon: “You’re a good friend, Billy I am thankful you’re behind me with your support. Now, I have to ...” Graham: “I am, Mr. President, I certainly am. Now, I want to say a few prayers with you ... Nixon: “Billy, I really have to ...” Graham: “Lord, please bless...” (phone hangs up. Dial tone) Nixon: “Sweet jesus in a cocktail dress ... I need a ...” (Ice clinking into glass) Nixon: “Rose?” (door opens) Woods: “Yes, Mr. President?” Nixon: “What’s ... Who’s line is it?” Woods: “Sir?” Nixon: “Ronny boy ... Who’s ... No, which line is he on?” Woods: “He’s on line four, sir. Mr. President do you think you should be drinking so much?” Nixon: “Now, stop that, Rose. Don’t crawl up my ass ... That’s Pat’s job.” (Nixon giggles.) (Door closes. Phone being picked up, buttons pushed.) Nixon: “Hello? Hello?” (buttons pushed) “Hello?” Reagan: “Hello?” Nixon: “Hello?” Reagan: “Hello?” Nixon: “Hello?” Reagan: ‘Hello?” Nixon: “Hello, who is this?” Reagan: “Mr. President?” Nixon: “Not possible, I’m Mr. President.” Reagan: “Mr. President, it’s Governor Reagan calling.” Nixon: “Ah, Ron, hello, hello. How are you?” Reagan: “Well, I am doing fine, Mr. President.” Nixon: “Good to hear. Good to hear.” Reagan: “Mr. President, I just wanted to call and say job well done on that speech. It was truly ...” Nixon: “How’s the monkey, Ron?” Reagan: “Sir?” Nixon: “The monkey ... Bongo ... Bingo ... Bozo ... What the hell was his name?” Reagan: “Oh ...yes ...yes ... Bonzo.”’ Nixon: “Right, Bonzo?” How is he?” Reagan: “Well ... (nervous laughter) I ... don’t ... I don’t ...uh ...I don’t see the little fella that much.” Nixon: “That’s a shame.” Reagan: “Mr. President, I just want you to know that you have my support ...” Nixon: “I want a monkey. I would love to have a monkey. Bite some democrat’s balls off my monkey would.” Reagan: “Well ... Um ... I just wanted to you to know ...” Nixon: “How’s that wife of yours, Ronaldo? Good lookin’ woman.” Reagan: “Yes, well ...I’m ...uh ... I’m ... Very lucky.” Nixon: “Damn right you are. (Silence) Reagan: “Well, Mr. President, we’re all very proud of what ...” Nixon: “Let me ask you something, Ron. Can ... Can I ask you something?” Reagan: “Well, yes ...yes, of course, Mr. President.” (Silence) Nixon: “What are you .... What are you wearing?” (Silence) Reagan: “I feel very uncomfortable, Mr. President.” Nixon: “You feel uncomfortable ... How the hell do you think I feel?” Reagan: “Mr. President, I wanted ...” Nixon: “All right Ronaroo ... I need to ...” (Phone hangs up) ... (Silence) Nixon: (Shouting) “Bring me nubile women and a twelve foot hoagie ... I’m President!” (Sound of a person falling to the floor.)
Posted on: Sun, 25 Aug 2013 16:47:44 +0000
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