No matter how hard I try I cant forgive myself for hurting someone who loved me so much and made me the happiest I have ever been. And the fact that this amazingly talented and caring person was smart enough to distance herself from my hurtful self destructive ways makes me proud of her and at the same time makes me feel ever more shameful. I put her through so much pain and said such mean and hurtful things that someone should never say to someone they love, I live in pain, no matter how manageable it may be it is still tortuous. This person I love and want to spend the rest of my life with now will not even communicate with me directly. Although I could never be physically violent with any female because my father taught me correct and I never even thought of striking a woman, what I did was just as bad. I mentally abused the love of mylife because Im an insecure, easily distracted prick who was oblivious to what was happening around me. Although I wish she would have a lapse in judgment and give me yet another chance, all I want right now is a friend, for a year she was my best friend not just my lover and she was my only friend. I just pray that I could get my friend back, because without my incredible friend Tori my life is so uneventful and dreadful. I love her to the moon and back. And I miss my friend so much. I dont want her to see this, I just wanted the people I care about to know the story behind my posts recently. I am not a good person sometimes and this time I was a bad person to the one person who was never bad to me, she saved my life literally and spent so much time with me in the hospital last year that it effected her work and school, but she stayed because she loved me. I ruined that love. And I dont know how I could possibly forgive myself for my horrible deeds, and if I cant forgive myself, then how could she? I pray to god everyday for her because she deserves the best and is so good and kind hearted and I hope the lord protects her and keeps her safe. I am so thankful that she has such an amazing family to look after her, and I love them for everything they did for me and for bringing up such an incredible person. I love her with every cell of my body and then some and I just need her to be safe, healthy and happy. From our first awkward date, to our last kiss I loved you with all my being and Ill never be able to thank you enough for the most productive and happy year of my life. You are my angel, I would have died without you. And I lived so much more than I ever had before. God bless you, you are my hero and my best friend. Thank you for everything. That you for being foolish enough to fall in love with a jealous, insecure heathen. Thank you for loving me.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Mar 2014 10:08:22 +0000
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