Not a Bad Guy By: Noah Johnson Tortured Souls Book: 1 Chapter 1 -UPRISING- To start this off, I want you to understand something; Im not a bad guy. I was arrested once in college for an open container, but I was held only a day. I pay my bills on time, pay my taxes, and help people who need it wherever it may be. You know- a lady drops her grocery bag and I help pick it up. I never expect any thing in return. But two years ago I defeated third stage cancer. Im only thirty five now. My hairs coming in nice, but I guess thats where this begins. Ive never been married, never had kids, I mean sure Ive dated lots of women in my day. But a lot has changed since the realization I might die. You probably remember I said this starts with hair. I shouldve been more specific. It started with a hair; a gray one. It was then I really realized I still wont live forever, even with the cancer gone. I guess you could say I had a pretty boring life. Never left the country, never really experimented or any thing really. Kinda like Im less than your average Joe. So I found this out a week ago. And I keep thinking; if I want my life to have had count for anything I need to do something profoundly outrageous. Even illegal. Something bad. Like really bad too. No motive, no bullshit, and no chance of anyone finding out I did it. Just a crime. One crime, exciting, cruel, thoughtless, and of course profoundly outrageous. Murder. Ill kill one person, a random person Ive never met, just somewhere secluded and... And dark! I own a gun, a handy little revolver. So Ill shoot someone in an alley way or something. Its insane, I know. Evil, yes. But I dont think I could ever feel I lived if I didnt. Im really not a bad guy. Just one person, just so I can live a little! But I know you probably dont understand, and I sound psychotic. But havent we all thought about it? Just killing a random person I mean, or anybody for that matter. Dont lie about it, I mean at this point were on a little more than a personal basis. So Ill do it. Ill kill some one. Chapter 2 -DOWNFALL- So I did it. I killed I mean. I vetted a victim, one who payed attention to a daily pattern. I didnt take notes, or learn her name, I just kept an eye on her. I noticed every night, she takes a shortcut through a secluded back alley in to a deserted lot, and back out to get back home from her job at a diner I pass everyday. Perfect place, Id guessed. She was beautiful too. Black hair and brown eyes. Her hair was silky and straight. Her skin was tan and her make up was always done up. She had a pierced nose, and a tattoo of a dove on her hand. Anyways I decided to do it two nights ago. I lay in wait in an alley, one of the five that the lot contained. She walked passed, and I pulled my gun and... I couldnt do it. Killing is making a choice. I didnt know much about her. She could have kids for gods sakes! So I didnt pull it. I couldnt... Bring myself to. God damned if I could. But I could. I did. Two hours ago. I sat in the same position I was in those two days ago. And she came eyes glued to her smartphone as she travelled across the all too familiar lot. I walked out of the alley, fast I guess. I readied the trigger when she finally looked at me, god damn she looked. Her eyes went cold even before I shot. Thing is I dont really regret it. I just walked away. The detective who could pin this on me is a super-cop if he can. IF he can. And he cant. Its completely and utterly random. Chapter 3 -FEELINGS- As you know I killed someone for the first time yesterday. Just because I dont regret it, doesnt mean I feel good. I dont feel bad. I feel... Complete. And I kind of hate myself for it. But that feeling of setting out, devoting yourself to an idea, and then actually doing it is like no other. Im like you in the way that if I saw a man strangling a puppy, Id want to nail him square in the face. But Id actually wind up calling the police or something. Like you. I dont want to kill again. This isnt about the thrill of it, not about me wanting to experience it again and again. No, this was a once in a life time thing. My life could end at any second, and Im fine with that now. Thats what I really wanted. This morning, I turned on the news. As expected, her body was found, with a surprising lack of evidence. A shot to the chest killed her, hit her heart through the sternum and broke two ribs, sending her in to shock instantly before she bled out enough to kill her a minute later. Her name was Lisa Blue apparently. She had a boyfriend of five years and a boy who is only two. Now to be raised by her father. Her sister and father made a public statement this afternoon, asking that anyone who has information to give it to a hotline. No one has information. Waste of the tax money I pay. Her mother died of the same cancer I had. Small world. The only thing they have is a bullet with residue, but no gun to match it. And a time of death. Approximately between 11:00 PM- 1:00 AM. Im clear. This was a repulsive act, you know it, YOU. Your reading this wondering, or maybe even thinking I am a bad guy. I guess at this point its up to you, to your opinions, your morals, your views. Chapter 4 -CONFESSIONS- Its been a year tonight since I killed Lisa Blue. No ones tracked anything back to me of course, the case went cold six months ago. The Blues moved to Arizona last month. My cancer is back, just found out today. Seems everything comes back to bite my ass on this day. Because it made me grow a conscience. Now I dont know if I believe in fate, or God. I never put any thought in to it. But maybe it twas destiny that did me in. I no longer feel complete. I dont feel it anymore, my feelings lasted a while, but things are different now. Its empty now. Im empty now. I have six months to live. Im not going to try chemo now. No, Id rather let the pain set in. I deserve it after all. I hurt to know I still feel. But I dont deserve a life like I got. So Im confessing. I think I always knew Id do it eventually. I mean, this isnt a personal journal, Im talking to you. After I get my thoughts out, Im driving to the station, and turning myself in. Now its up to you, friend, enemy, reader; am I a bad guy? It depends on your definition of bad I suppose. Im just a person who wanted a life he could live in excitement, or maybe Im crazy. Maybe Im evil. The choice is yours. To end this I think it fair to go back to where it started; a single gray hair. Heh, I guess you could say I must be crazy to kill over that. But to me it meant something... Bigger than myself. Life is a crazy road filled with tar (In your lungs.) pavement, and jagged rocks and road spikes, there to throw you in to... Perspective. And while my perspective may have changed, to me, in my opinion, one thing will always be true; Im not a bad guy. -----The Music Within----- Whatsoever Ive feared has Come to life Whatsoever Ive fought off Became my life Just when everyday Seemed to greet Me with a smile Sunspots have faded And now Im doing time Cause I fell on Black days Whomsoever Ive cured Ive sickened now Whomsoever Ive cradled Ive put you down Im a search light soul They say but I cant See it in the night Im only faking When I get it right Cause I fell on Black days How would I know That this could be my fate So what you wanted to See good has made you blind And what you wanted to Be yours has made it Mine So dont you lock up Something that you Wanted to see fly Hands are for shaking No not tying I sure dont Mind a change But I fell on black Days How would I know That this could be My fate -Soundgarden: Fell on Black Days
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 04:58:35 +0000
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