Not sure I can agree with ALL of this. Some of it yes. But for me there are different kinds of love. The passionate love that two people have when they have also that physical attraction but I am sure also that with time, the things mentioned in the statement below will show and then the Love will either be there and strong enough to cope with such flaws (and we all have some). My ex, someone I had loved for over twenty years ended that relationship some 18 months ago. She told me at first that she no longer loved me, then later that she was no longer attracted to me. Well she used the term fancied. I was taken aback by that. After twenty years I had taken for granted that fancying was not what now had been holding us together. That it was a deep meaningful love. That caused us to care about each other so deeply that whatever flaws we had, however much we sometimes upset, annoyed infuriated each other, we would always love and care and be there for one another. Clearly I was wrong. Either my understanding of love was wrong or it is not achievable and is unreasonable. So now what I have left is my sons and the knowledge that at least at one time my ex and the mother of my children did fancy me at least. And that perhaps if it is not too late someone may feel that way about me again. Perhaps. Before I get so old I start to smell of decaying flesh and old and to look like a walking corpse. Not an attractive look. I do not believe that love will keep people together no matter what, some times it is not enough and other times the flaws and differences can become so big an issue that the love dies. Then we may be left with either the flip side which is hate or nothing at all. Perhaps chosen to avoid the hating. Which is not healthy nor is it an attractive characteristic. At the end of the day for me I think the word love is a poetic word that describes chemical reactions that take place within us. I have sometimes preferred to use the terms madness or insanity becuase if the behaviours observed or experienced were in any other context it would be considered insane. The extremes some people will go to for what they consider is feeling love for someone else. The sometimes extreme and perhaps painful feelings experienced that again associated with this love is therefore tolerated and treated differently from what it likely is, a kind of madness. That madness often going after a time becuase of the flaws noticed in the person who is the object of this affection or becuase having been able to obtain that person the honeymoon period ends and either it was just passion and insane or it turns out to be the only love I consider to be real. That love that Jesus mentions in the New Testament. That deep caring for someone else. Either a truly special friend or lover or that really special love one can only experience for your children. Which for me is the only love that cannot really die. For me anyway. But all of that said whatever type of love it is still a form of insanity. Becuase people who feel such love will willingly often without thought risk or give their own life for the person (or sometimes pet). And although I refer to love as a form of insanity, that particular brand I would love everyone to have. Becuase I then wonder what if? What would the world be like if we all had that (relatively) unconditional love? I say relatively becuase in my opinion, there will always be some conditions. Or why else would we end up stopping loving or no longer be able to live with someone we once loved? We have each a basic set of values. Whatever our insane feelings may be for someone, that someone still has to fit in with our basic values. Ergo there will always be some expectations. They may be that the person not be a criminal, or they must love in return whatever, I guarantee in any real deep analysis no one can say they love totally without condition. Becuase as with any insanity, this feeling of love if turned by a breach of those basic values of ours can create some immensely powerful opposite feelings. Like hate. Or force the person to try to not feel anything. So as to then be able to function and one day over time be able to heal the heartbreak caused by that betrayal of the love given without reservation which is slightly different from being conditional love. Love is either there or it isnt. And it either grows or withers. And that all depends on the people involved. Including their shared values and dreams. Thats what I think anyway.
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 11:12:21 +0000