Not that anyone needs to know but in case you were wondering and even in case you havent been wondering why I havent been talking I thought I would let you know why. I havent been talking because I have been depressed lately. Just like your reality is your home and going to your 9-5 job is your escape my reality is being on the road and going home is a mini vacation for me. I hate leaving home and now I hate going home. My fear of leaving home started after I ruined my life in March 2003. My fear of going home came about bybeing hurt mentally through words from those that I love with all my heart and physically by a door that hit me square on the forehead. I have been struggling with sin recently and have been battling a spiritual war again with no help from those people in my home church that mean the world to me.Satan is trying to block my vision of Gods great love for me and His wonderful plans for me. I realize people have their own lives but I am alone on the road and in need of prayers occasionally. And when I call to just talk I usually have prayer requests but dont know how to ask them orI dont want to sound selfish and/or self-centered. I am not medically diagnosed with depression nor will I ever be because I have the greatest cure for depression and His name is Jesus. In the early and mid 2000s when I was in my worst depression I would think of ways to end my life while driving without involving anyone else (a cliff, a bridge, a tree, etc.). I couldnt bring myself to attempt anything because I would always think about the pain I would be in if I failed. The fact is I hate pain. This time my depression nust has me miserable, not wanting to talk to anyone and not wanting to do anything. I am not worried about the outcome because I know that I have the love of the only one I need to be loved by and there is no greater love to have the love of Jesus. So if you love me, love me. If you hate me, hate me. I dont need anyones approval when I only need the approval of my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. Just do me a favor, if youre going to talk bad about people and hate themjust talk bad about me and hate me and leave others alone. Why? Because I get my strength from Jesus and others do not so they are unable to handle the hatred that people have towards others. Anyway, this is why I havent been talking. I love you all and pray that God blesses all of you and that you never have to experience life alone because it is far better to share it with others than to live every waking minute alone.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 08:31:28 +0000
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