Now my dear aunt has passed away. She was a very smart, loving and nurturing woman. She had a profoundly positive influence on my early childhood. Although her light had been dimming for some time and we had become more distant through the years, Im still left with this feeling of being a little more alone in the world. Now I only have two close relatives left, my elderly grandfather and my mother who has cancer and seems to be in denial about the importance of her taking swift medical action in order to live. There was once a time when I was young that I longed for my independence and took great joy in venturing alone into the world. At some point along the way I realized that I had gotten just what Id sought but more than Id anticipated, as Id grown distant from all my family. For years, I wanted to reestablish ties, but there were always obstacles along the way. It wasnt until my fathers passing that I realized the opportunity can be swept away at any moment. Since then, Ive tried to maintain more regular contact with my closest relatives, but they all have health problems that limit their ability to converse over the phone. I sure hope my grandfather and mother will stick around until I move back home for a while and have the opportunity to visit with them regularly again. It will be enough to live indefinitely alone with no family, but I dont want to regret having not been very close to any of them in their final years. I sure hope my dearest old friends will do their best to take care of themselves, as they may soon be the only close lifelong ties I have left. For my part, I have every intention of sticking around, hopefully for decades more, even it means that one day all my dear old friends and all my family has passed. I know how to etch out a new space for myself and Im pretty adept at being independent, yet there is a certain peace and comfort that comes from having people toward whom you have a sense of belonging, something I would prefer not to be without.
Posted on: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 23:37:49 +0000