Now that Ive had a little time to recover from the shock, I can put yesterdays experience into words without ugly crying. (lol) The next assignment so to speak...... I had reached out to a friend/ local business owner exactly 2 weeks ago yesterday about taking on some evening & weekend hours --- a head in the right direction as far as getting rid of some debt & my plan. Key word there = MY plan. Yet I was reminded yesterday of exactly how much control I have over my life = little to none to be exact. Things ALWAYS go wrong when I make my plans my way & dont include the Big Guy. (And by the Big Guy, I dont mean Ed Toman - I mean God. Id created a master spreadsheet & everything --- spreadsheets are serious business to me, I love them - cant live without them - I have spreadsheets FOR my my spreadsheets - Im a spreadsheet junky. Working for Texhoma/ Antero full-time, painting signs on the side, waiting tables of an evening & on weekends would benefit my family beyond words if I could do it even for a year. This would also allow me to continue to do my suicide prevention/ awareness work which Ive never taken money for --- I feel in my heart that my brothers life paid the price for the work Im doing. (But it does take money to do it - gas, supplies, the materials I provide, time lost at work, etc., all come at a price for my family to do so much work in that world - let alone the toll it takes on the mind & body. Everyone pays for me to do this - not only financially but mentally & emotionally, it isnt for sissies.) So my spreadsheet(s) & I had it all worked out --- the extra income was going to help tremendously in my plan. It all looked great --- until 11:35 yesterday morning. What a surprise of eruption as little by little yesterday morning the office & the people Ive grown to love over the past 3 years were going home or on to their next assignment. There was basically no warning & there were many tears as I said goodbye to people I know I will never see again --- because my home base is here & theirs are other places in WV - as well as Texas, California, Alabama, Missouri, Indiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma & Colorado. Those people Ive shared my lunch with, shared family stories with --- some of them Ive literally grown to love. I know God makes no mistakes when he crosses our path with others - some of them I know the exact reason as to why we were in that office together - it had nothing to do with Oil & Gas but everything to do with Gods plan. I will never forget those people. It was sad to see them go. As as they were filing out, I received my personal notice as well. My gut was sick & my heart hurt - my spreadsheet(s) now shot to hell. The day was rough & tough --- I packed up the office for the most part, said my goodbyes, some were much harder than others. I left the office Ive called home for 3 years next week for the last time & I began the evening shift of waiting tables that I am grateful has been thrown my way. My evening was filled with the smiles of others, laughter, food & some customers genuinely happy to see me under the hat & behind the apron - I have much to learn but its good honest work. Until 7:55 --- only 5 minutes before my first supposed-to- be-new-second-job-but-now-main-job ended, when I was summoned for an emergency. A suicidal adolescent. Im lucky I didnt lose 2 (TWO) jobs yesterday for the one I put my most effort in to... the one that brings no financial help to my family but the one that puts people first & everything else way down the line. Needless to say, it was an even longer day - but one Id go back & do over again - and I wouldnt change a thing about the way I handled my day. I was reminded last night as I sat down at midnight & realized that I had had not one thing to eat all day, that the most important thing is NEVER money - it is always LIFE. I know this too shall pass with the loss of a great job --- I KNOW how to dance in the rain (learned that dance a longgggg time ago) --- I know that things could be far, far worse & that God will provide - I really do KNOW this. But yesterday God reminded of what is truly important & more importantly what isnt. I know it isnt a coincidence that I lost one job, started another & got called away from that job for something that is completely free = compassion for others costs doesnt cost a dime but is a priceless commodity & having a purpose is free for the most part. Though you can put a price on many things, you cant put one on a life. So Ill say it again --- Ok God, I GET it. The people God sent my way over the past 3 years have been nothing short of amazing - Im a better woman for having met the people who walked through my office doors over that period of time in my life. They held my hand, sometimes my heart & have literally prayed for the things Ive asked them to pray for... I hope I was to them at least half as much as what theyve been to me. Weve laughed until we cried & yesterday we cried until we laughed. And for that I am grateful. I have no idea of what the Next Assignment for Michelle Toman is --- but I am sure that the Big Guy will show me. Thanks to all of you who offered words of support & comfort through text messages, comments, emails, & phone calls --- its been an incredible 24 hours... I am humbled. On to the next thing... now that God has taken me down a notch...
Posted on: Tue, 06 Jan 2015 20:21:01 +0000
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