OK, I think anyone who comes to my page knows that I can go on and on from time to time, and so, I am warning you in advance, I am about to do some of that right now, because I have just watched a play that moved me to my core, and so, if you dont want to get stuck inside of a whole lot of stream of consciousness, leave now, and I wont be mad at you.. but if you want to stay, I would love to share... and please excuse my run on sentences and lack of punctuation, thats how I write sometimes... well, pretty much all the time, and so........ Ive been feeling a certain kind of way for quite a while now, and its been hard for me to figure out what exactly has been going on with me, but everything has felt different, or maybe disconnected, or SOMETHING............ I just finally saw Billy Crystals show, 700 Sundays. I tried to see it on Broadway, but never had the chance, and so tonight, I finally saw it on HBO-Go, and it was amazing, a beautiful story and a very heartwarming tribute to his family, and to his entire life. It made me think about things in my own life, that I havent thought about for a very long time, which is what great art can do; and it did. What I mostly took away from the experience was a few things, though, and so first of all, it made me think about Broke Wide Open, my first play, and how I set out to do exactly what Billy Crystal did, to honor my family and my life, to tell my story, but we did it very differently. I watched his show and I thought, I dont even know what I did now, I am not even sure what my show is, if that makes any sense. I guess now Im talking about the technical aspects of how people would categorize BROKE WIDE OPEN. 700 Sundays was clearly a monologue, and it came across as a beautiful painting, I could literally see all of it. I could smell it, I could taste it, it was incredibly tangible. And that is exactly what I hope BROKE WIDE OPEN was, at least all of that was my intention, as my director, Stephen Bishop Seely would tell you, I wanted it to be a PLAY, and I think it is, but what I did, and what Billy Crystal did, well...... they are very different shows. I mean, Im not trying to compare my work to the work of a master like Billy Crystal, that would be blasphemous, he is a legend, a first ballot hall of famer, but it just makes me reflect upon what I created, I guess thats a good thing, but most importantly, seeing 700 Sundays made me think about how much I miss my father and my mother. That, more than anything else, is what happened to me as a result of seeing his show. It made me miss them, it made it impossible to avoid those feelings. It almost feels like receiving this show tonight brought me to a second mourning of sorts, I can see, feel and smell my parents tonight, and I realize that for the 6 full years that I worked on, literally, nothing but BROKE WIDE OPEN, I actually created an opportunity to be with my father and my mother, and my Grandmother, and my LIFE, every single day, to the point of actually REALLY feeling like they were present with me the entire time, not only on stage but in rehearsal, on the street, in the parks, all over the country, all over the world, WHEREVER I went, I felt like they were with me, truly and literally I felt that way. I would even rehearse at the cemetery where they are both buried, at least once a month, for 6 years, and so I created this world that kept all of this life that I had lost, alive, at least for me, and tonight, watching this play, I realize that the reason I have been feeling kind of lost, or maybe detached for quite a while now, since BROKE WIDE OPEN closed, 2 years ago now, is because of all of this. That even though I am completely immersed in a new project now that is Brooklyn Quartet, and even though this new work of mine is something that is actually representative of everything in life that is most important to me, even more than just myself, issues that live in my soul, life and death issues in my mind... I realize, or maybe I had this epiphany after seeing this play tonight, that I am doing this all alone now, and that my parents, and my Grandparents, are gone. Perhaps I havent really faced the fact that once BWO closed, now that I am on to the next part of my life, I have let them go. My mother and my father. and my Grandmother. For real. And so tonight I am in almost a second mourning process, the realization that all of this life that happened, in my life, is gone. I mean, obviously I know that, but I FEEL that now, and perhaps BROKE WIDE OPEN was a way to avoid this reality that I have been feeling lately. I think, as painful as it is, its actually a beautiful feeling, a real testament to how lucky I was to, first of all, have been adopted into such an amazing family, but also a testament to how awesome my parents actually were. And so, anyway, I say all of that to say; and this is just my opinion, of course, that all of this is what art is for. To evoke this type of emotion. To bring us out. To guide us back in. To remind us. Im so grateful to be in the business of performing and writing, and tonight I am even more committed to always doing great work, and to hopefully contribute to others in the way Billy Crystal contributed to my life tonight. What a great gift I was given this evening. I hope my work is always viewed that way as well, like a GIFT, even if its not so comfortable to receive sometimes. BROKE WIDE OPEN was my childhood, my first half, so to speak. Brooklyn Quartet is me, all grown up. The next half. I feel that. Im ready now. Thats what Ive been feeling. Theres no turning back. Well, maybe the occasional glance... As my friend, Jack Sharkey would say, Onward. Thank you, Mr Billy Crystal.
Posted on: Mon, 30 Jun 2014 03:43:23 +0000
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