OK...TIME TO TREAT YOU...LIKE YOU... Heard alot a talk about my spirit...Heard alot a talk about my soul...but I decided that anxiety and pain were better friends....so I let it go~Live ;) If you have never heard this song before, you might be amazed at its true message, I know I always am...It actually fits well with my story tonight, which I have decided to refer to as, Code name... OPERATION SPIRIT, for more reasons than one...But lets start it off by sticking to that spirit thing, because mine needed a tune up today without a doubt.... I was feeling a little lost today for some reason. I mean really had a hard time putting a finger on why, and I even had some freaky emotional swings I wasnt prepared for, got out of whack on issues that normally dont get to me, and thought to myself a number of times...Snap out of it dammit...Then I realized what the problem was, and could have kicked myself for not seeing it sooner...I wasnt having fun, or enjoying myself one bit, and more importantly, I had forgotten about the little things I had around me that were supposed to be what its all about anyways... Looking at it now I can come up with a long list of what happened that was all good in my day. First there was the Bus ride I was early for, and the fresh air on the walk to it, which by the way was accompanied by a gorgeous sunrise to boot. then was the fact that on my first smoke break I finally saw my first Bald Eagle since I have been in Alaska. A definite treat, since it was 50 feet away in the sky, fighting with a Seagull for ten minutes in front of me. And who could forget...It was pay day...and finally, I had a little money to work with again.... All of those things together, matched by a pretty good day production wise at work, have added up to a happy ending at the moment, and all it really took was me to sit down and have that talk with myself again. I had to let me know that it isnt always about the Bunnies & the Daisies as much as it is about treating myself to a field of them even if they are not there. There is nothing wrong with enjoying this life I live now, and I shouldnt feel guilty for it...If its the finer things I am trying to discover, uncover, and strive for, then what am I waiting for? Lets get it back, right? I know its a little silly, but this is the first time, in many years, where I have been truly on my own, and I have spent so many years of my life trying to please someone else, or trying to live by someone elses rules, that this new freedom to just be, is a little un-nerving because I dont know what to do with it just quite yet. But dont get me wrong....Im learning. And as long as I remember to treat myself right, in the process, I believe I will make it through this adjustment in life with flying colors. As long as I remember that Im so used to beating myself up about what I did wrong, that smiling, and being ok with what is right, isnt something Im all the used to, then I am making progress to that Life I want...Even after six years, I am still learning about what it takes to live life the way it was meant to belived, and ya know what? The happy ending to this story tonight is that I care enough about myself to want that good stuff again, instead of being the worst enemy I ever had, and destroying it all like I used to...and in that sense....I guess, just for today....I did treat myself the way I always wanted to....I treated myself... right.... Thanks for reading, Lance Rome ;) We continue because...we can youtu.be/LTEfrEYRVMM
Posted on: Tue, 19 Aug 2014 03:41:08 +0000
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