OPEN LETTER TO MY FUTURE WIFE (If you have been allowing men to touch you anyhow all these while, you must stop it now because my grandmother’s breast should not be better than yours, Forget religion, I will need those breasts before the arrival of children) Ladies and gentlemen, let me take a little time to think of my own future. Did I hear you say “wetin happen”? Yes something happened, and that’s why I’m writing. My mother has been disturbing me to happily “kidnap” somebody’s daughter and establish a perpetual emotional affiliation with her, my father have been asking me “Diokpa how far na?” Neighbors have been asking “when is she coming home?”, my pastor has been suggesting some “good” sisters in the church to me, and I myself, I’ve been trying to get the right girl; I keep praying, fasting, searching and thinking for the right candidate because I don’t want to engage on emotional “raffle draw” before picking. So for this “project” to be successful, the “case study” needs to help me to locate her on time, and when I do, there are some things I expect to get and see from her. Ladies and gentlemen, follow me as I write a letter to my future wife, explaining my expectations of her. I know she’s somewhere smiling, singing, thinking, working, praying, or may be fasting, and who knows, she may be reading this too. Oya, follow me… Dear Future Wife; Permit me to extend my greetings to you. I hope this weather is “friendly” to you and I also hope you are setting enviable standard in your academics/work? I know you might be wondering how come I’m writing you this letter, since we’ve not met, or may be we’ve met but have not really “blend”, or may be we’ve been talking and texting, but have not really “solidify” enough to consider ourselves perpetual emotional candidates. Whatever the case, I still appreciate that you are reading this letter. My purpose of writing you this emotional epistle is to help me locate you. My future sweetheart, the apple of my eyes, the best thing I’m asking of you is to join me to raise enviable, intelligent, God-fearing and success-personified children and a happy home that will be a reference point to other couples in our society. I want you to complement my efforts; I want you to be a sister, a wife, a counselor, a doctor, a helper, a mother and a friend. All these I also promise to reciprocate. I want you to be real, I don’t want you to hide your true identity, you and I know it won’t do either of us any good. My future queen, I have prayed enough to locate you, so I don’t want to start another prayer session, begging God to change your character. You better change for good before coming to my house! (sorry for raising my voice here). My future queen, your past mistakes does not count to me provided you are not carrying it over to my house. Having a child in your teen age does not really count much to me, it only shows that you are “tested ok.” Being “yellow”, “black”, “pink” or “red” does not mean anything to me, all I want is that you must be desired and presentable. Being an Hausa, Igbo, Edo, Calabar, Rivers, Ibibio, Yoruba or Niger does not really matter to me, what matters to me is your character, not where you hail from. My future queen, if you drink, please drink responsibly as I do, or better still stop drinking outrightly. If you smoke, it won’t be in your best interest as I hate it with a passion! Eating “Isi Ewu”, “Isi Okuko”, fried rice, beans, Mr. Biggs carrots, cow tail, goat leg, roasted monkey, ice cream, shawama and so on is not a crime, but I hate it when you are “pregnant” before being impregnated. If you have been allowing men to touch you anyhow all these while, you have to limit it, because my grandmother’s breasts should not be better than yours. Forget religion, I will need to suck those breasts before the arrival of children. No more! No less!! My baby, your “words” matter more to me than your “looks”, so please invest in the right words. Did I forget to tell you that your neatness is not negotiable? Yes! Cleanliness in all departments is a must! Please don’t think I’m being authoritative, no no no, I’m just trying to explain my expectations of you. Thanks for your understanding. My future queen, having friends is not a bad idea; at least you have your close allies before knowing me. But I hate it when you reveal all our secrets to them; it won’t be a good idea if they know what we are eating at home. It won’t be funny if they can define our situation, it’s not appealing if they know all our ongoing projects and can even tell when those projects will be completed. Less I forget, fighting neighbors is not the reason why I’m marrying you, it’s not that I am lazy, I could have been fighting them before your arrival, so I don’t need your “assistance” in that area at all. That aside, I hate it when they call you as a primary witness in any quarrel, I hate “she was there” statements with a passion. I want you to be their “friend” and at the same time keep them at arm’s length, by so doing; you will earn their respect for life! My future wife, using your friends’ husbands to measure my success is not why I want to marry you. I’m marrying you so that you can complement me in all ramifications. I hate it when you tell me “The Emekas just changed their car, when are we changing our own”? My future wife, we might not bought our cars the same day, so changing it at the same time will not be necessary, moreover, we have different needs at different times. Also, I won’t fancy it when you tell me your friend’s husband bought this and that for her on her birthday, so you are expecting the same gestures from me. My future honey, we have different perception and approach to situations, inasmuch as I promise to make you happy always, I’m promising you again that I won’t go beyond my means to satisfy your needs. I hate laziness with a passion Babym. You must be productive!!! If you’ve secured a commensurate job, good; if you are still searching for a job, no wahala; if you are still in school, you must study well and come out triumphantly; and if you are learning handwork or a trade I won’t complain, but you must be brilliant at it. All I want is that you must be seriously doing something positive. Period! You see, “full time” house wife is a deadly disease; it kills the “doctor” and the “patient” installmentally. I hate it when neighbors pack their house keys for you when they are leaving their apartments in the morning. I hate it when you are the only one people ask when “NEPA brings light”. My future dear, I hate it when you buy razor blade and bags of “pure” water on credit waiting for me to come back and pay. I hate “occupy till I come” type of wife. If your mates with the same body features and qualities are seeing in the markets, banking halls, offices, sites, schools and shops working hard to support their husbands, tell me, what’s so peculiar in you? Painting nose, mouth, tooth, eyes, ears and face in the name of fashion is not the only reason why I’m planning to marry you, I’m marrying you because I want you to corroborate my efforts. In summary my future “baby”, I DONT want you to be a GOOD woman, I WANT you to be a GREAT woman. You know why? A good woman will love a man with conditions, while a great woman will love a man unconditionally. The “boy” in every man pumps out occasionally, your ability to handle my occasional “boyish” attitudes will define your truest maturity. In conclusion my future baby, I want our families to appreciate our union, I want our church to value our marriage, I want our neighbors to cherish our togetherness, I want our community to respect our emotional style, and finally, I want our country to celebrate our love. It is possible. We can reach our goals. We can achieve it my baby. I can imagine you smiling as you are reading this, thanks honey. My regards to your parents and siblings. Tell them their future son and brother in-law is coming soon. Don’t forget, women are many and are everywhere, so don’t drive me away because I might end up marring another man’s wife and you marring another woman’s husband, God forbid! I have other things we will discuss when we meet. I love you so dearly baby. TGIF. Your future husband…. From Motivator Magazine web. Google us@themotivatorng/ 4more open letters
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 14:56:55 +0000