ORSON WELLS- perhaps no-one in Entertainment has ever taken himself more seriously. Here is an incredible out-take from Orson lowering his standards, and trying to do a food commercial for Mrs. Buckleys Foods! Read the transcript as you listen to this. He really WAS Citizen Kane...in every sense of the word. Ladies and Gentlemen: the hubris that was Orson Wells: ... TRANSCRIPT: ORSON WELLS: We know a remote farm in Lincolnshire, where Mrs. Buckley lives. Every July, peas grow there. Do you really mean that? Director 1: Uh, yes, so in other words, I—I—Id start half a second later. WELLS: Dont you think you really want to say July over the snow? Isnt that the fun of it? D 1: Its—if—if you can (laughs) if you can make it almost when that shot disappears, itll make more— WELLS: I think its so nice that—that you see a snow-covered field and say every July peas grow there. We know a remote farm in Lincolnshire, where Mrs. Buckley lives. Every July, peas grow there. We arent even in the fields, you see? (pause) Were talking about them growing and shes picked them. (clears throat) What? D 1: ...in July. WELLS: I dont understand you, then. When must—what must be over for July? D 1: Uh, when we get out of that snowy field— WELLS: Well, I was out! We were onto a can of peas, a big dish of peas when I said in July. D 1: Oh, Im sorry, Orson. WELLS: Yes, always. Im always—past that! D 1: You are? WELLS: Yes! Wh—thats about where I say in July. Director 2: Can you emphasize a bit in? In July. WELLS: Why? That doesnt make any sense. Sorry. Theres no known way of saying an English sentence in which you begin a sentence with in and emphasize it. Get me a jury and show me how you can say in July and Ill... go down on you. Thats just idiotic, if youll forgive me by saying so. D 2: (indistinct chatter) WELLS: Thats just stupid. In July? Id love to know how you emphasize in in in July... Impossible! Meaningless! D 1: I think all they were thinking about was that they didnt want to— WELLS: He isnt thinking. D 1: Orson, can we just do one last time— WELLS: Yeah. D 1: ...and it was my fault. I should—I said in July. If you could leave every July— WELLS: You didnt say it. He said it. D 1: ...I said every July. WELLS: Your friend. Every July? D 1: ...so after this shot... WELLS: No, you dont really mean every July? D 1: ...it is, but its... WELLS: But thats—thats bad copy. Its in July. Of course its every July! Theres too much directing around here. [edit]Part Two: Fish Fingers WELLS: Norway. Fish finger, nor, Findus, Norway. We know a certain fjord in Norway, near where the cod gather in great shoals. There, Jan Stan—, Stangdilan, shit! D 1: A fraction more on the—on that shoals thing, cause you rolled it round very nicely. WELLS: Yeah, roll it round and I have no more time. You dont know what Im up against. Because its full of—of—of things that are only correct because theyre grammatical, but theyre tough on the ear. You see, this is a very wearying one, its unpleasant to read. Unrewarding. Because Findus freeze the cod at sea and then add a crumb, crisp... ooh, crumb, crisp coating. D 1: (indistinct chatter) WELLS: Ah, thats tough. Crumb, crisp coating. D 2: (indistinct chatter) WELLS: I think, no, because of the way its written, you need to break it up because its not—its not as conversationally written. What? D 1: Take crumb out. D 2: (sounds like) Thats the word. WELLS: Take crumb out. Good. [edit]Part Three: Beef Burgers WELLS: Here under protest is beef burgers. We know a little place in the American Far West, where Charlie Briggs chops up the finest prairie-fed beef and tastes... This is a lot of shit, you know that? You want one more? D 2: I do, actually... WELLS: More on buck beef? D 1: You—you missed the first beef, actually completely. WELLS: What do you mean, missed it? D 1: You—youre emphasizing prairie-fed— WELLS: But you cant emphasize beef, thats like hes wanting me to emphasize in before July. Come on, fellas, youre losing your heads! I wouldnt direct any living actor like this in Shakespeare! Will you do this, its impossible! D 1: Orson, you did six last year, and by far and away the best, and I know the—the reason— WELLS: The right reading for this is the one Im giving it! D 1: For the moment. WELLS: I spent... twenty times more for you people than any other commercial Ive ever made. You are such pests! Now, what is it you want? D 1: Now, I think— WELLS: In your depths of your ignorance, what is it you want? Whatever it is you want, I cant deliver it because I just dont see it. D 1: That was absolutely fine, it really was. WELLS: Here, you— (crumples script, stands up) This isnt worth it. No money is worth listening to... (leaves studio) youtube/watch?v=OhWM4_pIKVg
Posted on: Fri, 18 Oct 2013 17:25:06 +0000