Ode to having a crap boiler that breaks then miraculously works when the boiler man comes round then breaks again the moment he leaves. Oh boiler! Clanking banging rattling toiler! You try and fail to show your mettle Forcing resort to the kettle A bath? you laugh, Just freely draw But ice does flow where steam should pour. And when it comes to central heating Your swinging moods they take some beating Sometimes warm, then a sudden cold rage Oh boiler, child, are you teenage? Youve become aware,you hold a dangerous power To govern when I am allowed to shower Or wash the pots, or eschew the jumper To enrage my soul until I thump yer Your dials they smile, your lights they flicker Playing havoc on my ticker Oh boiler, white box once so loyal Why is my blood the only thing to boil? Furnish me with gushing streams Of scalding water, or are my dreams Just dreams, instead Ill hate yer For failing to warm the radiator? Yet when threatened, with a spanner You behave in the most impeccable manner But once the tools are packed away Ha ha you laugh and shut down for the day Try harder, do you think Im dumber To not know when you have called the plumber? And beware! Youll fill a bath with tears Should you call gas engineers Ill make you look like a whinging liar By never failing to switch on and fire Leaving me with a call-out bill, Two wasted hours, and yet still When I next run the frigid taps You gurgle, burp Why call those chaps? Those men who want to take me apart Diagnose my icy heart Has it really come to that You want to hurt my thermostat? Could you not just understand Theres no such thing as heat on demand? Alas, O boiler, this must wont end well Im freezing here, and starting to smell My fingers frostbit, my nose is froze Im sick of sleeping in my clothes Just please behave just how you ought ter Or unlike me, youll be in hot water.
Posted on: Mon, 15 Dec 2014 11:28:25 +0000
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