Offer Empathy….Carefully Joseph, age 57, is from Liberia. He has been in the U.S. for almost 15 years, but he stills finds it challenging to get a job that pays him more than $10 per hour, causing financial stress. Part of the issue is that while his English is quite good, his accent makes it difficult to understand him. Joseph also feels financial stress because he seeks to help his seven children, some of whom still live in Liberia. Joseph is in the new Work and Life Training Program at Center of Hope (centerofhopesf.org). As the administrator of the program, I periodically visit with each student. It was a delight to visit with Joseph, who has an engaging personality. As well, I am encouraged that he is interested in a faith in God, which is why he started attending a church six months ago with Liberian friends. Joseph shared with me some bad memories from his country --- images of people being slaughtered right before his eyes. He asks, “How could God let that happen?” Like the other Liberian students in our program, he asks why the U.S. does not recognize his schooling and degrees from Liberia. In Liberia, Joseph was a civil engineer. These are tough questions. I was critiquing Joseph’s written assignment for the Interpersonal and Communication part of the program. Joseph wrote about a conversation he has by computer, as he ‘chats’ with a female friend in an African country. Joseph’s friend sees and experiences terrible things, of lives being snuffed out prematurely by violence and disease. She asks Joseph questions like, “What purpose is there to life?” and “Would anyone care if I just fell off of this chair I am sitting on right now and died?” and from her non-believer perspective, “What purpose is there to my life?” Those are hard questions for anyone, certainly for Joseph who is still testing the waters of faith in God! Joseph and I have been talking through his African friend’s questions and he is asking me his own questions, which brings me to the subject of answering questions for people and empathizing with people. For starters, as a believer in God, I keep within my mind and heart God’s words --- “my grace is sufficient for you.” In essence, I know God and His grace are big enough to handle and to love a person through all of their issues, large and small. Having that perspective, in answering Joseph’s difficult questions, I find that the fewer the words used, the better. Especially for a guy like me who has not even come close to having Joseph or his friend’s life-experiences, my empathy is offered very carefully, and with few words. A friend reminded me that in the book of Job in the Bible, Job’s friends did well in caring for Job, until they spoke. As well, offering a body language that is approachable, and that is patient, is important. Also, caring, gentle actions speak much louder than words. To “empathize” means to understand and share the feelings of another. Whoa, can I possibly do that for Joseph, or for Jolene, who recently lost a teenage daughter in an accident? No, I cannot exactly understand and share their feelings. But I can still be there, with few words, good listening, patience and appropriate actions. And somehow, God works His grace and love through that. Please ‘Share’ with the rest of us an example of how you empathized or how you received empathy. What worked well? What didn’t work well? Thank you for sharing. (Iron Sharpens Iron posts are all listed at centerofhopesf.org/iron.)
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 22:45:02 +0000
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