Oh sweet, sweet Eileen, Tonight was so bittersweet. It was the first time I was back in your house since you left this world. Your family invited me for dinner and I couldnt say no. I felt more out of place than I ever expected when I turned onto your street. I felt as if that drive no longer belonged in my life...at least not in the way it used to. My heart ached at the realization that you wouldnt be sitting in your chair waiting for me to arrive. I wouldnt put my bag down, hug you and sit next to you and watch the Waltons until bed time. I was a visitor at your house tonight, and my heart wasnt quite sure how to handle that. Your room is still the same. Your slippers are in their original spot....all tucked in neatly. Just the way you like them. Your orchids are still hanging in there. I never did understand how you not only kept them alive, but how you got them to bloom all year long. The butterflies we decorated your ceiling with at your 90th birthday party are still there....hoping someone will notice each one of their individual beauty....just like you did. I noticed their beauty for you tonight. Your drawers and closet are still full of your clothes and your night light is still plugged in. We had ice cream for dessert....on the back porch, overlooking the lake. We talked about the big tree and how you used to love watching it blow in the wind. Its changing colors now. ...the bright red you always said was so beautiful. Your daughter and I, in honor of you, stood at the end of the driveway and watched the sun go down....keeping you close in mind and heart. We wondered out loud what your view of the sunset was from Heaven. :-). We cried and laughed and cried some more. Our hearts ached at your absence, but our faces smiled at the memories we have of you. Your life was so missed and yet so appreciated all at once tonight. Your daughter gave me the quilt I made for you last Christmas. As bad as I felt to take it from where it belonged...at your house...on your bed, Im sure honored to have it. I know how much you cherished it. I will cherish it for you now. As much as tonight pained me, Im glad I went. Im glad I remembered, Im glad I felt, and Im glad I was able to make your familys night a little brighter just simply by being there. You are missed more than words can express, but when its all said and done, I can smile through the tears and say I was so lucky to have had something so special that made saying goodbye so hard.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 01:10:28 +0000
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