Ok, for those of you who love their pets, its a bit cheeky, a little off, but somewhat true for some of us: To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. DOG & CAT RULES: Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesnt help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, or try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me first, THEN go smell the other dog or cats butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You dont. 2. If you dont want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (Thats why they call it furrniture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, its an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesnt speak clearly. Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less. 2. Dont ask for money all the time. 3. Are easier to train. 4. Normally come when called. 5. Never ask to drive the car. 6. Dont hang out with drug-using friends. 7. Dont smoke or drink. 8. Dont have to buy the latest fashions. 9. Dont want to wear your clothes. 10. Dont need a gazillion dollars for college. And finally, 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 00:27:07 +0000
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015