Ok, so i dont know precisely where he is at - as far as his intuition. But mine is as it is - due to trust. Trust in him, trust in myself. Forgiveness - which opening up to the connection of the universe and all souls. HECK - i even had dealt with animal souls.. Faith - faith in God, faith in fate. His dreams...signs or whatever he got. Seeing it positively. [ok so im not a supermodel... ] meh. Letting go of bad relationships and trauma. Relaxing, praying. And above all - love. Love God primarily. Love others and hopefully love me. Because that kind of is part of it. Release all negatives... I felt him - but then i felt the thingy that happened in 89. Im open significantly to the metaphysical world. I dont doubt it - i dont have prejudice to it and i trust in all that God gave me. Trust is so important. Especially in oneself. I know the minute i get anxious - or afraid - [which i have significantly improved with the help of God] - the minute fear steps in for any reason - i block myself. Anxieties - at high levels block me. So the last few years 2012 - 2013 i had only brief periods that i remember sensing him at all. BUT I knew - just knew he would go to the funeral home - and i also suspected Greg was going to be there, as well. So i was not about to go there. I felt i shouldnt... and im glad i didnt. Greg didnt tell me he would be coming in - last i knew he didnt want to bother - but my intuition meter went off the chart. There was a reason - i guess - that i was led to avoid it. Maybe fate was going to work something out somehow... by my absence. Due to the struggles i had with serious anxieties - that were unbelievable - i only had moments because i couldnt relax. Well, to be expected when you have a trauma, but dont quite remember it. So it gets buried but comes out in all sorts of ways. Lack of clarity, shaking, fear, heart palpitations that couldnt be controlled so well, fears off the roof... all the negatives possible. And i think the biggest thing to get a full connection when and if he is ever ready - would be unblock me on Facebook - or communicate somehow. Until he gets to that point - he maintains something that blocks him. I suspect. This is only because of negativity - somewhere. Although i sense he has a lot more intuition than he did. I know it grew - i feel a lock down sometimes. If he likes the connection - he will eventually get to the point where he sets himself free - and there is a certain security and protection in having one absolute friend in the world who respects and cares for you - in such a way - an intimate way - that seems beyond the magnitude of other relationships. Definitely not a common kind of thing. He will never be alone. He will have me so long as im alive, i believe. Neither distance nor time or space changed it - or will change it. I believe thats the way it works... but as with all things - its yet to be lived to know. I observed at one point where allegedly the connections would disappear - or how did they put it - time would run out due to some retrograde - which was in Nov - but it didnt happen. So it may be somehow under Heavenly protection. It goes to show - though - God was always looking out for him. Always watching over him in spite of everything. In spite of him maybe thinking he was alone. Same for me in that matter. I weas a loner anyway... really. I loved being in my bedroom looking out at the world... the trees, houses, birds, cars. I was definitely mature for my age. I got so absorbed in contemplation. I just liked being and calm. I did have friends and things i could do - but my thing was alone time. I could sit for hours at the window and just think. Plus i think an eye for art - i loved just really looking at everything. Day dreaming. Or just plain dreaming.
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 06:04:16 +0000
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