Ok, so its New Years Eve. The most dangerous night of the year (excluding pancake day and up-the-bum thursday). So here is my list of top tips to get you through unscathed: 1: Wear comfortable footwear. I have lost count of the times i have nearly died at the end of a Slammin Vinyl or Dreamscape when my stripper heels have malfunctioned, leading me to fall face-first into a jungle MCs crotch. Always think first. 2: Dont go on fire. Sure, it sounds obvious but youd be surprised how many people still do it. So if you do find that you go on fire, try not to go on fire. 3: Keep a distance of no less that 8 yards from any Progressive House DJ you come across. They are easily confused and can become violent. Some have tremendous strength in their hind legs and can also spit with pin point accuracy. 4. There is no tip number 4 5. If you find yourself facing a Level 7 Barachestrian War Priest, use the Amulet Of Fareghurst to paralyse him before casting a Force 12, Morogasam Storm Plague to finish him off completely. 6. Stock up on Jonnies. 7. If you find yourself having a rubbish time, just remember its because you are a useless human being and no one likes you. But, at least youre not Robin Thicke (unless of course you are) 8. See tip 4 9. Think, what would Gary Busey do? 10. Eat, Rave, Repeat, Sleep 11. Dropping Kung-Fu Fighting will alway work, no matter what the party/rave/civil uprising. 12. If you have not completed a full course of automatic weapon training, please leave it to the professionals or at least stick with a semi-automatic option for the duration of the new years festivities. 13. Red shoes: No Knickers 14: Only a fool breaks the 4 second rule 15: Dont blame it on me. I cant emphasise this point enough. Its not my fault, i have almost nothing to do with it and i dont even know who most of you people are. In fact, what are you even doing in my living room? I think that covers just about everything. Of course, if you have more questions, put them on a postcard and send to the usual address. All the best, Your style guru, life coach and muse, High Rankin.
Posted on: Tue, 31 Dec 2013 12:37:23 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015