Okay, I need to know this. (sorry for the long rant, you dont have to read it if you dont want to, just please dont do that tl;dr shit because I will remove you if you fail to comply with my wishes) Am I a bad or good person? I mean I accept Im a selfish person and I do have an ego, but I like to handle things in a certain manner. My views on things are different, now I do feel bad but Im going to admit to you what Im like on the topic of suicide. Im not pro-suicide, I dont think anyone is but Im also really aggressive towards people who think its the only way out of a problem. I get angry seeing my friends or whatever harming themselves, what makes me more angry is when they make a spectacle about it and constantly try claiming that theyre always on the verge of suicide. It really bothers me, I dont know whether its because of my views or because I care. I have too much pride for the most part to admit my feelings towards any subject unless Im in a particularly good mood. Tonight I had an argument with a friend and I was less than nice, I was blunt about not wanting to be there to support them due to their constant bellowing of suicide, Im not going to mention that person out of respect, because I dont want them to feel belittled or believe that Im trying to start some drama when all Im trying to do is figure out what I did was right or wrong. Im usually a fairly okayish guy, I mean I struggle to converse with other people, I will also be too bored of a normal conversation which is why I avoid talking to people most of the time, if my brain isnt engaged enough, Id end up ignoring the person or just find something else to do to put my mind away from talking. Now I admit that its a bad trait of mine but I think a lot of people have come to understood that Im like that so they hold light conversation with me and I appreciate that a lot. I try my best to be supportive most of the time but I struggle to say the right things and I either make things 10x worse or I just make myself out to be an idiot, so thats why Im never supportive to anyone whos depressed any more. I personally believe that its down to my own faults that I come across as an arrogant asshole who doesnt care and in the heat of an argument I will just say I am to avoid explaining all of this but this is me showing how I feel about it. I hate arguing these days, I hate how I act in an argument and its just not me. I loathe how much of an asshole I can be and I hate my arrogance, but I need people to accept the fact that I have a real dickish side to me and just like me for the good side. I dont want people to come to me to argue because most of the time, I will argue back and I will destroy whatevers left of a friendship then and there, Ive done it many timrs before. I hate the idea of suicide, I hate the fact that one can resort to such a thing solely because their life sucks in the period of time and hell it might suck for years to come, I hate the idea that whoever thinks of it may actually become something one day and actually become a great person, but when they act all down and bring others down with them, thats when I get angry. Yes I admit that some people have problems and need others to be there for them, but for the sake of friendship and companionship in some cases, please dont put all of your troubles on that person because they too might have problems that they have never told you about, furthering their depression. Its like a domino, you push one and the rest keep going because that person will console in another person and itll get increasingly depressing. I like to look positively in things, I like to avert my eyes from all of the animosity (doesnt mean Im not aware of it or that Im ignoring it, simply just not letting it bother me), and see all the good things in life. Youll be lying to yourself if you say there is nothing good in life and if that is how you truly see the world, then maybe youre just a lost cause, but please dont bring other people down just because youre sad. Dont bottle your emotions but dont rely on others to help you with them, if you understand? This is how I view things, I dont know whether its because Im harsh or just dont like seeing negative things all the time, but thats for you to decide. Rant over I guess
Posted on: Mon, 15 Sep 2014 00:43:04 +0000
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