Old St. Pats Church. Downtown Chicago. The place where my wife Tricis parents got engaged (yes, he actually asked her in the church) on St. Patricks Day many, many years ago. The church Trici and I started attending in 1985 right after we were married when we lived in an 875-square-foot loft in the fledgling South Loop and were two of about 20 parishioners attending the long-forgotten church. (This was at the very, very beginning of its renaissance.) The place where our daughter Erin Brennan Zuba was baptized in 1989. The place where we held Erins funeral that bright, sunny summer day in 1990. The place where our son Rory Brennan Zuba was baptized in 1991. And where Sean Brennan Zuba was baptized four years later.. Its the place where on January 6th 1999 the Feast of the Epiphany we held Tricis funeral. I write about this sacred place in my book Chapter 19 Creating A Space For Hope. The morning we found out Rory was coming just four months after Erin died. And that morning at Old St. Pats Thanksgiving Day Mass as we turned to our beloved daycare provider Marilyn and her son Aaron to share our news I felt a bit of hopeful joy bubbling up from my core mixed in with the sadness and confusion and anger and despair and bewilderment and all the other feelings and emotions that are expressions of grief. I felt a bit of hopeful joy. And I realized that it doesnt have to be an either-or situation. 16 years ago tonight New Years Eve 1998 I stood in the ICU waiting room at Oak Park Hospital after Tricis doctor said Pray for a miracle. Get everyone you to know to pray for a miracle too. The only thing that will save your wife Trici is a miracle. As I stood there in that ICU waiting room thinking long and hard What could my prayer be? What could it be? I said the only prayer that made any sense to me as my wife lay dying in the next room. Thy Will Be Done. Thy Will Be Done. Thy Will Be Done. Trici died within hours. At 4:00am on New Years Day 1999. And this evening New Years Eve 2014 I return to Old St. Pats Church with my parents to celebrate the wedding of my oldest cousin Cathis youngest son Patrick. Kind of a full-circle, sacred, victorious moment. For my anyway. It doesnt have to be an either-or situation. Its okay to feel all of the emotions that arise. To feel, observe, honor and release. Remembering that we are not our emotions. We are actually spirits who came to earth to have this human experience. And it is fascinating. Pay attention. There is a new way to do grief. A way that honors the truth that life happens for us not to us. Join us at facebook/tomzuba1
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 11:59:55 +0000
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