On April 13th 1995 my life changed. I wouldnt know it for another 24 hours but the changed took place on the 13th nonetheless. That was the day my little sister died. She didnt just die, she killed herself. It is very different dealing with the death of someone you loved when they are the one who caused that death versus someone who dies because of illness, accident or even murder. I am not saying one is harder than the other to deal with...just different. In all instances the people that are left go through a process, disbelief, sadness and even anger at whatever or whoever caused the death...here is where the difference takes place. Those of us who have lost a loved one because of suicide also have to deal with the anger but then we feel guilty because we are angry at the person we miss, the one who died. We also deal quite heavily with the what ifs and should haves...What if I said something wrong the last time we talked? What if I did something that pushed her over the edge? Should I have noticed something different about her? Should I have said I love you more often? These questions will never really be answered in this lifetime. I know I didnt do anything that would have upset her. I know that I didnt say anything wrong or mean to her. I know I couldnt have seen any signs this was coming. That is what my head tells me...I KNOW these things but my heart doubts that my mind knows what it is talking about. The heart is all about the what ifs and should haves. One thing I do know is that I did NOT say I love you anywhere near enough and for that I will always grieve. But that grief is the reason I say I love you so much now. I try to never miss an opportunity to say it. I realize how important it is not just for me to say it but for people to hear it. Julia Mandain Castleman...I love and miss you dearly. I so wish you were here to see what wonderful people your niece, Derika Graham and nephew, Devin Kyle Hutchinson turned out to be. I wish you could meet the wonderful people they chose to spend the rest of their lives with, Andrew David Graham and Rosalyn Hutchinson. I wish you were here to play with your great-nephew, Vincent...he is such a joy. I wish you were here to meet my wonderful man, Joseph Sestile...you would love him, everyone does. Mostly I wish you were here to give me one of your wonderful hugs and hear me say I Love You
Posted on: Sun, 13 Apr 2014 19:58:31 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015