On August 1st it was one year since my mom died. I am a born analytical and logical thinker and a trained skeptic. Because of these traits faith does not come easily to me. My mom was a believer. She believed not in an organized religion but in energy and angels. I often said that she hummed on a higher frequency than other people. She had amazing intuition and was incredibly sensitive. She had unwavering faith that everything happened for a reason. On July 6th last year I had my very last conversation with my mom. She said, Katie, you have to believe simply because its true. I have struggled all year with these words, wanting so badly to believe for my mom. Knowing that if I didnt believe that she truly was gone and hating myself for not knowing how or even where to start. Tonight I got my answer. Believing isnt a magical switch, or at least it isnt for me. Believing is a choice and a process. And most importantly it isnt something you do for anyone else. I was trying to believe to please my mom and in the process I missed the point. Tonight on my run I decided to believe in things I cannot see. I decided to be open to feel things that do not make sense. I will no longer logic these things out of my life. I will silence the skeptic and open my heart. When I hear her voice in the breeze I will trust that it is her and relish in those moments. When the sky opens up and the sun shines down on me I will have faith that she is smiling at me. And when my faith waivers and I take a step back I will decide to not be afraid and I will make the choice to believe again. It doesnt seem real that it has been a whole year. I miss you so much, but today, Mom, I choose to believe. We have nine days left in our challenge. I cant thank everyone enough. I am very excited to see how far weve come. I saw a quote near the end of my half marathon that has stuck with me, Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.” Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon runner Keep pushing. Love K
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 02:19:27 +0000
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