On Gay Culture: The Pursuit Of Aesthetic Perfection By :François Albert Benoît That actually used to be my inner mantra, “The Pursuit Of Perfection”. Yes, I stole it from Lexus, but I always loved the thought of consistently making things better over time by correcting imperfections to become a more efficient, evolved being. Toyota did after all invent LEAN which I utilize and obsess over as a teacher and part time model. Constant improvement towards perfection is the way I have tried to live my life for the last five or more years since I transitioned from school/party mode into business/professional mode. Everything in my life needed to be perfect, particularly myself. Well, that just isn’t logical and definitely not achievable, it’s just not. This idea that you have to be flawless in every area of your life infiltrates its way into our lives at such a young age via every imaginable outlet. School, media, friends, family, etc., it is hard not to want to seek perfection, the alternative is evidently unacceptable. I have found this to be especially true about gay culture. The demands we put on ourselves and others is unrealistic, from looks to status, we are a culture obsessed with perfection. I realize that everyone has their own idea of perfection – body, career, image, status, scene, etc. – there are as many ideas of perfection as their are individuals, it is totally subjective. For me, once I shifted my focus from partying to profession I have pushed myself with career and fitness beyond a point that was healthy. I have found myself demanding unrealistic expectations from everyone around me, including me. It isn’t even logical or enjoyable at this point. So, why push? A close friend , my age, recently spent a week in the hospital after passing out and them being concerned about some possible heart issues. It was one of those moments in your life that makes you stop and think, you have to. As the doctors pondered why I passed out and the issues I was having I kept coming back to “stress” and the amount of stress and pressure in our lives. I have been pushing myself to perform at a level that isn’t even attainable and then being disappointed if I fell short of these expectations – I was also expecting this from everyone around me. But, nobody is perfect, especially me so I found myself with pressure and stress. What I realized is that this was all me, it was my mantra that was causing me stress, I have been doomed since the first time I repeated it to myself. That is a losing battle. I often think back to the book The Velvet Rage at times in my life like this and it is almost funny how so much of what is described in the book relates to my own life. Years hiding behind the party scene and now hiding behind work and the “pursuit of perfection”, but what am I really hiding from? Who am I trying to impress? In the book it refers to legions of gay men facing these same issues and as I think about my friends and even those I don’t know that well in the scene I can see it. There are many out there trying to achieve their own idea of perfection, it is apparent even if they themselves may not realized it. I have even had some candid discussions with friends lately that have revealed many of the same “issues” I have dealt with over the years so I know I am not alone. So, I have to ask is this all just a coincidence? I am not a psychologist and I am not going to try and diagnose the “trauma” or origins of what seems to be a pretty normal occurrence amongst gay culture, but I will say that we have to be more forgiving as a culture. We can’t demand that everyone be perfect, it isn’t realistic. I think most of all we need to stop demanding it of ourselves. This will be harder said than done, but the alternative isn’t healthy, I know that first hand. And, to be honest, when I thought more about all the things and people I enjoy the most all have evident flaws that they own and that make them unique and special. I don’t even like perfection, it is pretty boring, so no point trying hard to be something that I wouldn’t want to be anyway. I am going to start using a new mantra, “the pursuit of happiness”, let’s see where it gets me. FAB
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 06:48:14 +0000
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