On a crowded el train trying to get my mind of you. Looking around at new faces I may never see again. I hear a young girl glorify all the hardship she has experienced in this life of hers to a girl who seems to not buy her stories. If your journey is truly hard you dont glam it up. You try to capture the horrific darkness. Another girl is gazing out the window seems slightly confused and frustrated maybe she had a disagreement with her college boyfriend theres all kinds of people on this train. Worried mothers frustrated fathers stressed city workers or medical professional I think I even recognized a attorney. Usually i can ride the train staring out the window allowing all my tears to flow sometimes people notice other times I can go unnoticed the whole ride but today is different im not sure if its because theres so many people here today or cause i spent all night and half the morning crying whatever it is my tears cant be stopped so i keep trying to distract myself by analying faces and expressions once the big motorcycle club guy leaves the train I see straight across the train to a woman with glassy eyes holding the tears back I can tell her loss is fresh cause you can see all the whys, the ifs, the Im sorry, the hows, all the nos across her face the millions of questions she is still hopeing to find answers too. She looks across to check the screen for the next stop she probably lost track while in her own thoughts Ive done the same thing dozens of times she notices me n and just looks at me. She gets up to pass one set of doors to come to the doors closer to me and with her head down she looks at me slightly n her tears drop before she exits the train. Now Im feeling more inhuman and alone then I ever felt. Could the parents of lost children be so different from the rest of the world that we stand out to each other even in a moving sardine can? I wonder all the way off the train n to my bus if I can get through the day my eyes are extra heavy burning sensation is going around my eyes n down my cheeks and then I see it. Going across the screen of the bus the date todays date I pay special attention to the year n I feel like Im living out of a paperback novel not a happily ever after story a stuck lost in time tale or even a cursed for all eternity story I have spent the last 9 hours crying rubbing my fingers against a pillow cause it felt like ur hair and the more I have ran away from the calendar the closer I got to no progess you have been gone from me a whole year n a half n if clocks n calendars were banished from the world my soul would always remember I guess thats why I woke up this morning feeling like I had a Charley hoarse cramp across the tip of my back left side ribs to my chest babe I dont know what else I can do but my heart is running out of strength
Posted on: Tue, 21 Jan 2014 20:54:07 +0000