On a positive I laminated and made a binder for all the meaningful tickets, events, love notes, get well cards/birthday cards Alethea and I kept. Also all the cards etc from the wedding. I went through all my pictures I have been meaning to print and got a good deal on 400. I went through all her phone photos (she apparently never downloaded or synced her iPhone) there were a little over 1000. For another hundred and that I didnt have as we took them with her phone. Got all her clothes/medical supplies/beauty products donated to those that need them could use them. Got about 25 cards and keepsakes ready to mail off to her closest family & friends (dont be disappointed by the photo the Dollar store only has one size of box but hey... Alethea loved Bubble Wrap!!!) Washed and put away patio cushions for the winter as well as uninstalled window AC in the living room. Fixed& Rehung bird feeder outside and moved pictures so Altheas favorite art is in public areas rather then our bedroom. Redid the guest bedroom. Put a gloss on top half of the the wooden chest Id been puttering around on for some stuff in my man cave. Did the second coat of walnut stain on the little box for my dresser to hold our rings when I sleep. Which there in lies the problem because Ive been up for 36 hours..,.I keep trying to stop but then get so over whelmed. Feel like Im in a slow motion mental breakdown. Grammie has been making sure I eat so thats really nice and we have a ton of food. Hospice has been offering me counseling since I had to sign saying we are stopping treatment. I keep telling them I could really use it, and they keep saying a bereavement counselor will call to set a appointment. Any advice out there from someone who lost a spouse or maybe a child that had this problem to get me by until I get some help. This was really awful to witness and Ive been in unhealthy detached counselor mode since I told the transport people Its okay you can call it a toe tag and signed it like treatment plan from work. I was more concerned with making them feel comfortable because they had been so helpful and nice as the body donation paperwork hadnt officially gone through. I think Ill try to fall asleep on the couch and move to bedroom later Bella really needs some snuggles Ive been a horrible father and she has started to do some of her fear behaviors from being abused. Its just so empty upstairs. I guess a big bed like she used to have in the garage this way she could hangout with me and go potty or pointless bark on her schedule.....actually just writing this down helped quite a bit. I guess thanks for listening and keep me in your thoughts.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 10:56:30 +0000
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