On death and suicide: Wanting to die seems normal to me! I can barely remember a time when I could freely say I love my life...without clinching my teeth. After my daughter JoHauna died, i felt some sort of hope that my life was still going to get better and somehow God was going to use this for something good, to use me to help others etc. although I cant say He hasnt used her death in some amazing ways, ten years later I am still struggling to find good days in the land of the living. I feel trapped. I am not afraid to die, I am not afraid of what people will think... but I dont want to hurt anyone either. So I had it all figured out... I would just talk to those I love and tell them how I felt, and they would have peace about me going. Silly me, outside of a few loving people, all I got was distance, judgement and people coming against me, calling me all kinds of names, unfriending me, not want to be my friend, family pushing me away etc etc etc. what I thought was going to draw those who love me closer, ended up being a source of more rejection, pain and isolation. But God... Now I have a situation that keeps me here...some unhealthy thoughts about that too. I want out but I cant leave ...The Apostle Paul says, Its better that I go be with God, but better for u if I stay...Ive had to choose to stay, which is not always an easy task, ugh! Plz put aside your differences and love the one in front of you...we really dont know how much longer they will be with us.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 17:03:12 +0000
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