On one tour, the entire band often had breakfast together before leaving town. One day the topic turned to parental discipline, and I was shocked to discover I was the only one at the table who hadn’t been beaten as a child. Some had only been spanked and whipped (“go get me a branch, Son”), but some had been seriously smacked around fairly regularly. My parents, however, managed to put the fear of God into me without resorting to that; I remember being terrified of “that tone” in either of their voices, the one that told me I’d screwed up royally and there would be a unknown and serious price to pay. I wanted to avoid that voice and confrontation as much as possible, so I paid attention to warnings and changed my behavior accordingly. As I watch the conversation regarding the NFL players and child abuse, I wonder if most of the spankings and whippings we hear about (especially in the South) are merely carrying on a tradition that might not have any efficacy in long term personality molding, and might not be worth carrying forward into future generations. I’m not saying the practice should be stopped because it’s not politically correct these days. I’m asking if it’s a cultural tradition that really bears little fruit later on. I certainly wouldn’t say I turned out better/more successful/nicer than my co-workers in that band; what I’m saying is I don’t believe I turned out any worse. And, given the wide range of experiences and opportunities we each may have had, one of the the only real differences between us was how we viewed our parents for their punishment decisions—not how we behaved toward the rest of the world. Children can be extremely aggravating and force parents to react in times of little sleep and much stress. Those who were beaten as children might understandably think it was the correct response. I wasn’t, and I don’t. (Btw, that doesnt mean I agree with the current hysteria and calls for some authority to immediately and seriously punish those who are caught. This is a practice nearly as old and pervasive as humanity itself, and it requires some very careful consideration in dealing with it.)
Posted on: Thu, 18 Sep 2014 20:12:39 +0000
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