On the eve of what would have been Katie Christians 40th birthday, I feel it important to clarify two things about the woman I was lucky enough to call my Wife. Yeah, this going to be heavy, so feel free to skip over and read some Top Ten Cats That Look Like Nixon list. 1.) Salvation was Katies consolation prize. Let me elaborate. Katie found God late in her life and for that I am eternally grateful. Seriously. But some people can be zealous is attaching sentiment to her memory. Katie didnt happily go be with the Lord, she fought like hell - she went through hell - to stay on earth and spend as much time as possible with our daughter. Anything else (while awesome) was second place. So, yes, she *is* in a better place (and I thankful for God and the numerous good, Christian examples we have had in our lives), she fought to stay here, on Earth. Every. Single. Day. I dont mean that do sound rude or sacrilegious, thats just the way it was. Period. 2.) Ive had people tell me that I shouldnt compare myself to Katie and how she parented. People want to tell me that Katie knew she had a limited time here and tried to squeeze in a lifetime in a few years. I appreciate the sentiment, but youre wrong. Katie loved and parented our child the only way she knew how - totally and completely. Were she here now she would be just as absolute in her love and adoration of Clementine. Cleos arrival changed Katie. You could say it unlocked a part of her brain - a capacity - she never knew she had. Cleo was her life. Before cancer. Im going to keep comparing myself to her. Every day. And Im going to fall short. But if I can be 1% of the parent Katie was, I will know that I am doing better than most. And thats good enough. There we go. Long-winded I know. I love and appreciate all of you for helping me though this first 10 months. Think fondly of our Katie girl and, as impossible as it may seem, *try* not to be too sad. Grab a tambourine, play some loud, catchy punk rawk, sing along and smile. We get one lap on the track - make it count.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 02:13:59 +0000
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