One never really knows how fleeting life and good health can be, until one experiences the painful loss of it for themselves. The loss of ability to do the simple things for yourself, like standing up, taking a shower, walking across the room, combing your hair. Staying awake to hold even a sporadic conversation. My wife, my loving, strong willed, proud and self reliant wife, the woman I have shared the last 33 years with, is now stricken with lung cancer. We could speculate whether it was the many years of smoking, ot the environment, or predetermined genetics that has caused it. But the real issue is, it doesnt matter what caused it. It is here, in her lungs, making her breathe with great effort, sapping her energy with each movement she makes. I hold her with loving arms, just to touch her and give her assurance that she is not alone. I silently run her bath, making sure the water is hot, but not overmuch, putting her favorite Japanese Cherry Blossom soap into the running stream to help soften and kill the smell of the chlorine in the water. I do this not because I feel obligated to, the obligation is that earned by three decades of marriage. Sharing the burdens of life, holding each other up in times of need, comforting each other in sorrow, rejoicing in times of happiness. No, I do this because I love her, and can not bear the thought that she should want for anything she needs. I gently wash her back, letting the hot towel soothe her aching back and shoulder, pouring bath water over the cloths to keep them warm. Drying her fragile little frame while she stands on her towel spot trembling like a scared mouse, struggling to keep her breath and stay standing. I help her dress herself, and take her back to the living room pseudo-bedroom where we have set up camp on the hide-a-bed, with a bank of extra pillows and a fan and eater for her intermittent changes in needs from cool to warm. I have seen this vivacious, active and playful woman transform into the semi-shell of what was, in such a short time, it boggles the mind, and tortures the senses. We will face the chemo and radiation therapy together, hand in hand, one dose at a time and I will tell her every chance I can, how much I love her, and how much she is part of my soul.
Posted on: Mon, 27 Jan 2014 00:41:52 +0000
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