One thing I hear from parents is they want their child to be independent and theyve been taught that they have to start detaching right away so that the baby wont be too needy, dependant or expect too much. What if your partner- without explanation- did this to you? What if they told you to get over it or youre fine when you were uncomfortable, upset or hurt? What if they laughed at you or made fun of you you when you were frustrated or angry? What if they were short tempered and distant, especially when you were feeling sad or vulnerable or had a bad day? What if they walked away when you tried to express your need for more patience and affection. What if they didnt come to bed at night and slept on the couch and ignored your tears as you tried to figure out what was going on? Or didnt come home at all and ignored your repeated calls and texts? I bet your mind would be going wild wondering what you had done wrong, wondering how the person who should love you most could be so cold. I bet it wouldnt take long for your broken heart to toughen up. I bet soon enough youd quit crying pack your bags. Now what if they told you it was because they felt you were to attached and needed to be more independent? Now imagine being a baby or toddler, who directly associates attention with survival. Literally life and death. You see it isnt that distancing yourself from your child makes them self secure or confident, its that it forces them to give up on you and detach themselves from the pain of rejection as a defense mechanism. A pain they may spend the rest of their lives trying to cover up. Withheld attachment = rejection = insecurity = defense mechanism = neurosis.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 05:21:56 +0000
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