One wonders, how does a year pass so quickly and through all the pain, grief and agony one still physically stands though mentally and emotionally one has fallen to the ground since tragedy struck and has never got back up.... April 15, 2013 two little lives slipped through my hands, without a blink of an eye my twins were gone. A parents worst nightmare is losing a child...imagine for a second losing two....at the same time and then youll see why a big part of me has died to and will never be the same. The hardest part about this to me, the thing I cant swallow is that they were healthy..perfect babies...10 fingers and 10 toes, little arms and legs that liked to beat each other up, 2 beautiful beating hearts, etc....it was me who was not perfect, who was not healthy, as a woman knowing your body gave up on you, defeated you and couldnt perform their womanly duties to carry and nurture any longer you really cant help but to become an enemy to yourself for failing and taking away your children, your hopes and dreams, a fathers children, your childrens siblings...sitting here right now is a double edged sword, its surreal to me because I didnt miscarry, they were born into the world...two passed away so one could live. Its hard because how is one supposed to be happy and thankful for their life when the sacrifice to even be here still was two innocent children? My angels, Maddy and Josephs heroes because those kids need me and love me so much, no words can express how I feel today let alone every day of my life. My every thought revolves around you, my every heartbeat...everything I do to try to be a better person and mother is not just for Maddy and Joseph but for you too. Callie and Brayden, I cant believe today has been a year since you left us. Your daddy and I miss you everyday. We have not forgotten you but are finding our own ways to cope with the pain. Every day I wonder what life would have been like with you here, nothing really feels fully right. I wish you were here, we all wish you were here because as children your missing out on such a loving family and as parents we are missing out on giving you our love, caring for you, nurturing you, etc. Sometimes I wonder if you ever knew I was there...did you know I fought as hard as I could, did you know I held you, did you know Ive wept so much in mourning that I dont know how there are still tears flowing? Most of all do you know I love you and miss you so much and I always think about you? You two are indeed my children no matter where you are and I am blessed to have even known you, felt you, carried you and held you in my arms for that short while!! God I miss you and Im sorry. There are angels all around us but have you ever held one in your arms? I did, in fact I held two. I love you Callie Suzanne Wells and Brayden Alexander Wells!!! I will always look for you in all that I do good and I will always think of you and portray the love I have for you into your daddy and siblings!! We all miss you!! Rest in peace my sweet ones. 4/15/13
Posted on: Tue, 15 Apr 2014 14:34:43 +0000
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