One year ago today my world was completely turned upside down. I felt my momma take her last breaths. I stood there and told her I loved her one last time and laid my head on her chest and listened as she stopped breathing. There was nothing at all that I could do but I knew she found her garden. That was one of the hardest days I have yet to face in my lifetime and today I can’t help but remember that. I still see it in my dreams all the time but it’s different, it’s as if I’m watching a movie and when I wake up its over. I often wake up to the sad reality that I wasn’t watching a movie, this is real life. My mom was an amazing all around person and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. You see she lived a full life, I believe that’s why it was so short. There were no more lives she could influence and no one else she could help. I hear stories about her all the time for her friends or our family and I cant help but smile and think “that’s my momma.” She gave every ounce of herself to my brother and I to make sure that we always felt loved and cared about. She gave us all she could. She was so strong and courageous, even in her toughest days she was making sure everyone else was okay. She wasn’t a selfish person, always putting her kids and her family first. Like I said, she left a lot behind and something’s are better than others but she could change the world. Dear Momma, Your little boy has grown into such a handsome, kind and strong young man. You would be so proud of him. He has had a lot of important moments in his life this year and I know that its very hard for him that you aren’t right beside him for it all. I’m trying my hardest to make it all easier for him and to help him through but that sad truth is that I’m not you and I know that nothing will ever replace that for him. I want you to know that no matter what I will never stop trying to make it better for him. You were my rock, I talked to you about everything and I’m finding it hard to cope with a lot of things without those talks. I want to make you proud and I want to grow into the woman and mother that you were. One day I want to be able to look back and say “I know my momma would be proud of what I’m doing with my life.” Life is hard without my momma. People say this is all going to get easier with time but so far the only change is I cry less and I can listen to certain songs without bursting into tears. I know that you are always watching over and always 2 steps behind. Mom, I love you and miss you sooo much. I love you more than all the stars in the sky and the sand in the sea.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Jun 2013 07:14:46 +0000
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