Onuora s Handy Bus Ride Guide 1. Dont spread your legs as if you paid for the whole seat or youre on horseback riding off into the sunset. It is a bus and it has a limited amount of space. Dont take up mine in your selfishness. I will only give that allowance to a woman who is carrying a visible baby bump because she needs it. If you refuse to close your legs when I tell you, I will gladly push them closed for you. 2. When there is space for you to shift and you refuse to, trust me I will move you. Unless you are related to Yokozuna, you will move. As indicated in article one, you did not pay for the whole seat, so take your share and let me have mine for the sake of national peace. 3. Your bag is not a passenger. It doesnt not deserve a seat unless you paid for it. So, it either stays in your lap or on the floor at your feet. Dont inconvenience me by using style to allocate space for that inanimate object you bought from Aba. If it was real Gucci, I doubt you would want it to be on the floor or messy seat anyway... 4. Do not put your arm around the back of my portion of the seat. If you do, I reserve the right to smack it away. Especially if I tell you to take it away and you refuse. I am not your boyfriend or husband, so why are you trying to get fresh with me? Are you alright? Remember how we both paid money for space on this bus? Why are you crowding mine? Na chair for ya house? 5. Control your hair, young lady. I dont like being blinded by it when the wind decides to blow it in my face. This is not a Hollywood film where some crazy chics hair is all over the place and it makes heads turn. Here it makes people roll their eyes. More so when strands of it enter the mouth. It is quite an irritant. This is made worse when one knows some peoples hair is not as fine/clean up front as it looks in selfies. 6. If I catch you staring at my phone as I use it, I reserve the right to slap you or stab you in the eyes. This is of course in love because I do not want you to develop the habit of spying on people and sticking your big head where is is not needed nor wanted. 7. Do not dare snatch money out of my hand because you are looking for change. I dont care how old you are, I will snatch it back and tell you that you have no manners. You want my money? Ask for it. I dont remember using your ATM to get it nor you sending me to a bank to collect your money 8. If you have an issue with the conductor, please avoid baptising me with spittle. I beg you with all you hold dear, cover your mouth or baptise someone else. I had a bath and I also have sanitizers. I dont your assistance to stay clean. 9. If we are chanced to be in a bus together and you sit in front of me, please madam stop dressing back into my knees. I know you may have watched many videos asking you to back it up but, I was not in that video and I didnt make such a request. Please, dont reverse or pull over, biko. Just stay where you are for the sake of National Peace. 10. If you dare look back at me again as you adjust your top, which you DELIBERATELY WORE, to see if I peeked down there, I will lean forward and in a low voice say, Please let me see na. Isnt it clean? *Feel free to add yours or just laugh and share. Have a great day, people :)
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 08:36:54 +0000
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