Originally appeared in the Charlotte Sun on July 3: Blue Star Mothers bond over service, fears By CHRISTY FEINBERG Senior Writer It must be hard to be a mom. You put your son on a bus with a stranger. You send your daughter to school where another stranger is expected to teach her to read, multiply, speak Spanish, etc. You hope the kid who trips over his growing feet and fumbles any object in his hand can somehow pull it together behind the wheel. You drive her to a college campus, carry in her boxes and pray she studies, does laundry and returns without scars, tattoos or an addiction. You dread a late-night phone call or a stranger at your door. Magnify those fears, anxieties and sleepless nights by 7,750 — that’s about the number of miles separating some local moms from their children in Kabul, Afghanistan. That’s life for a Blue Star Mother. The Southwest Florida Chapter of the Blue Star Mothers of America meets once a month at the Red Cross in Sarasota. There, mothers from Manatee County south through Collier County get together to talk to other mothers who know what it’s like to fall asleep on the couch watching CNN. “Only another mom understands,” said chapter president Maggie Gentile, from Englewood. Maggie’s son, Mike, 29, served three tours in Iraq as a Marine. He broke an arm. He broke a foot. He suffered a traumatic brain injury as well. “An IED (improvised explosive device) blew up,” she said. Mike is now out of the military due to his brain injury, but her son James, 30, continues to serve in the Army National Guard. “It’s therapeutic, especially for those who have deployed children,” she said. Rank doesn’t matter to Blue Star Mothers. They may be mothers to captains or to those who just enlisted, but they are mothers who once held sobbing babies, kissed owies and wiped away tears. They are united by motherhood and the fears of what can happen in a faraway land. “There’s no other greater support group for moms,” said Ingrid Vernoy of Sarasota. Ingrid also has two sons in the military. Matt serves in the Air Force while Casey is in the Navy. Blue Star Mothers is sort of like a support group/information-sharing network. “It’s good for information. You can call another military mom,” she said. “It helps with new moms who don’t have a military background because there’s a lot of unknowns.” Valisa Ward of Sarasota is one of those newer military moms. Her son, Dylan, joined the Army and has yet to be deployed. “I love it,” she said “It’s good. It’s a room full of moms who understand. No eye-rolling or changing the topic.” Linda Atkins of Venice knows a lot about the military since she was an Army brat. Her son, Ryan, is an Army Apache helicopter pilot. “It’s not any easier for me than anyone else,” she said. “You learn to pray.” Linda also learned to develop a great relationship with her daughter-in-law, who calls her immediately after hearing from Ryan. “She and I forged a great bond,” she said. After hearing from her son or daughter-in-law, Linda said she might get a decent night of sleep. “Then I could sleep, but only with one eye,” she said. If she hears about an Apache helicopter crash, Linda will watch CNN hoping she’ll hear what unit was involved. She knows there will be an information blackout that prevents her from hearing from her son. That leads to more fear and anxiety. That’s the life for a Blue Star Mother. Then, there are the happy times. “He just got back from Afghanistan in October,” Becky Thompson of Sarasota said of her son Ryan, who serves in the Air Force. “She just got back from Afghanistan,” Christine Dermody of Sarasota said of her daughter Rachel, a captain in the Army. “He’s no longer in Afghanistan, thank God,” Marilyn Moore of Port Charlotte said of her Army son, Rob. “I know the geography of Afghanistan,” said Port Charlotte resident Jeanne Fell. Her daughter, Sharon Glanville, had just returned from Afghanistan; her son, Daniel Fell, remained near Kabul. He already served two tours in Iraq. While more and more Blue Star Mothers’ sons and daughters return from Afghanistan and Iraq, there are now new challenges. “It’s helping a little navigating the VA system,” said Cindy Eaton of Nokomis, whose son was serving in the Marines when he was diagnosed with a rare genetic eye disease. The Southwest Florida chapter has about 32 members and associates, which can include grandmothers, aunts, siblings, etc. “We’ve been around since 2009. We’re fairly young. We’re a small group, but a hard-working group,” Linda said. The Blue Star Mothers hold one big fundraising project each year, which involves raising enough money to place wreaths at every grave in the Sarasota Veterans National Cemetery in December. The Blue Star Mothers also plan get-togethers that may include trips to Myakka State Park or the Ringling Museum. For more information on the Southwest Florida Chapter, go to floridabluestarmoms. “It’s really hard when they’re overseas because you can’t pick up the phone,” Maggie said. Email: cfeinberg@sun-herald
Posted on: Mon, 08 Jul 2013 14:20:34 +0000