Our Halloween story (pictures to follow later today - sorry for the length): Miles sisters (ages 9 and 5), had asked to go to a kid-friendly haunted house for Halloween at about 7 or 8 p.m., which Miles was very excited about! There is a neighbor that we have just down the street that hosts an amazing one each year, complete with cardboard cutout hospitals and graveyards, a (very believable!) werewolf on stilts, and full staff of volunteer zombies that all the kids decided they wanted to go to. As a mom, I knew that Miles really wanted to go, and I should help him to attend. Yet, as his mom, I also knew he couldnt make it through. As a result of what he is already experiencing, he also has a sensory processing disorder, which leaves him absolutely panicked in any situation with too much stimulation. The real kicker here? Strobe lights. There was a room with nothing but a scary person in a mask and strobe lights. I couldnt even take him that far. He was shaking like a leaf and had to go back to the car. In the end, our trick-or-treating was cut down to the two houses we visited and then we went home. Miles was nearly catatonic, speaking in a repetitive way (fixating), and trembling. (I know I should do videos to share when we have these times, I know that we should help raise awareness through them, but when your child is experiencing a trauma, its very hard to just make a video and share it. Its not the first thing that comes to mind.) Miles went as the Doctor, from Doctor Who, for Halloween, just as he does every year, but this time, he went as the new Doctor, played by Peter Capaldi. His mama even sewed the red lining into his suit jacket to make it perfect for him, and even put in a pocket for his sonic screwdriver. He loved it, but, by this point, he was trembling with with sonic in hand, repeating over and over Take me home. Take me home. Take me home. He didnt care about the candy or showing off his costume - he was terrified and overwhelmed, plus, close to tears. In the haunted house, Miles made it (barely) past a zombie pen, then, he began stimming uncontrollably, flapping his hands around his ears trying to block everything out - it wasnt working and he was near tears already. I tried to find a way out, but there were fences everywhere, and all I could do until the line moved forward is hum to him and place my arms around each side of him to try to put him into tunnel vision, which worked to some extent. The people who ran the haunted house were so accommodating and sat down with him and said, Just put your hands up like this and say, no, thank you, if you dont want someone to try to scare you. Well listen and well stop, but he just couldnt process it. Everything was overwhelming. Eventually, they helped him to get out of the haunted house and to the safety of the street - they were so wonderful. I took him (and his brother and sisters) home with tears in my eyes, thinking that I should have just said no and upset him that way, rather than to allow him to be upset in the end this way. I dont inherently know what to do, and sometimes I try to help him participate in ways that other children do, even though I know that he cant. Its the cant that I dont want to say or believe, and its what Im always trying to help him overcome, most times, to no avail. Halloween wont happen again for another year. Maybe hell choose the same costume, maybe he wont. The fact is, we cant have a do-over. We dont have a round two. No, he doesnt seem upset that the day went how it did, but, as his mama, I am. So many questions and ideas go through my mind each day, and many of those questions are still unanswered. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the right approach? Will I ever have an answer to whether Im doing a good job? Being a mom to a special needs child is hard. Very hard. Its guess and check all the time. Its exhausting as much as its rewarding, and every mom who handles incidents like this is blessed to have a big support network that continually tells them that they are doing well and that everything will be fine. We truly are. Thank you so much, all of Miles wonderful followers. You are truly what keeps us going! **If you would like to see what having a sensory processing disorder is like, here is a simulation that is very helpful. (You can only imagine what this would be like in a haunted house.) Thank you all for supporting Miles in his journey. You really do mean the world to him!
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 09:01:30 +0000
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